Did the bishop ever ask you if you masturbate

[_cafe crema]

My bishop never asked me about masturbation. I don't know if it was discussed with my brothers. I doubt it. But I don't see the point with these discussions.

That is because you are a girl and a troll.
How about you ask your brothers. Are you calling me a liar?

I've been trying to find some value to the discussions on this forum, but so far it seems to me nothing more than a place where former LDS members gripe about what they don't like about Mormonism. I've finally been able to identify what appear to be two or three believing LDS, but it looks like this place is mainly just for former LDS with an axe to grind. And it looks like there is a universal obsession with masturbation.

Then f*****g leave.

[_Dr. Shades]

I was never asked this question by a bishop, ever. Not even once.

I was, however, asked twice by one of my mission presidents. The exact words he used were, "Are you masturbating?"

I should've responded by saying, "No, I'm sitting here talking to you!"

[_Hades]

This board is not a fair sampling of LDS. However, I think many of you probably gave off signals that you have a problem, hence, you got asked.

What are the signals? That you have a pulse?

[_Tator]

I think many of you probably gave off signals that you have a problem, hence, you got asked.

And what signals might that be? A hairy palm handshake? Or is it the Bish's "discernment"?

Spacey you are a victim of myth.

[_Tator]

Did any of you get asked if you have sex with animals? I hear that used to be a standard question, especially for rural Utah/Idaho kids. I think it was before my time, though.

If you didn't want to go on a mission you answered that question with "Your mom is a tiger in bed, does that count?"

Funny. This has to be on the top ten countdown list of one liners for the subject. Leno, anyone?

[_Some Schmo]

I just had an epiphany about bcspace... he's a moron because he tries not to masturbate! It all makes sense now!

If only we could get the kids to see this so they understand the dangers of abstinence.

[_Tator]

Mattie, what I find curious is that the church is obsessed with no sex, masturbation, chastity, etc. to the nth degree. But magically, if you get married, you are encouraged and urged to screw like rabbits and populate the earth. Even with multiple wives in the past, or today having "prophets" preaching not to delay marriage or delay having kids. The church is obsessed with sex both ways, 180 degrees, bipolar.

[_Some Schmo]

As I have already offered, it is my opinion that this (LDS to Atheist) is the saddest legacy owned by Joseph Smith.

Holy Christ, Ceeboo. The last thing I would do is give that damned conman credit for my awakening from the ridiculous fantasies of my youth. I might give him credit for getting me critical of religion, but he certainly doesn't deserve it for my criticisms of god belief (which came years later).

If you want sad, it's people who trade the LDS church for any other religious fantasy. It's sad that they have an opportunity to grow up and don't. It's like a person deciding he's going to quit cocaine and decides to start popping pills instead, or trading a crutch for a wheelchair. Now that's sad.

[_Yoda]

This board is not a fair sampling of LDS. However, I think many of you probably gave off signals that you have a problem, hence, you got asked.

That's probably true, due to them being humans and all. A clear signal that the chances were pretty high that they masturbated.

No. It's simply more likely they had signs or symptoms of a problem.

And what might those "signs or symptoms" be, exactly?

[_Some Schmo]

And what might those "signs or symptoms" be, exactly?

Whacking off in the pews while everyone else has their heads bowed in prayer.