My NOM roadmap: feedback please

[_quark]

The Context: my wife and I sopped going to church a few years ago due to our losing our life-long testimonies after discovering crazy historical crap. Recently, my wife has decided she would be happier with our family involved in the church full time. The reasons for her desire matter not so don't ask! (thanks). Suffice it to say that her reasons are reasonable. My number 1 priority is to have respect and understanding in the home. I plan to comply with my wife's wishes in a positive way. Obviously, this poses a challenge for the non-believer. I'm convinced it can be done, so help me God. Here it is:

Name of the Plan: "Pious Malingering"

Patterned after: Joseph Smith's "Pious Fraud" and methodologies performed by various Old Testiment authors, known as "Allegory".

Purpose: To immerse myself into the religion without connecting my sane faculties with the dogma or any authoritative influences. Also, to protect my children from accepting any teaching at face value.

Method Abstract: any and all theological ideas presented within or without the ward building will be accepted as make-believe, subject to liberal interpretation, translation, and conversion to other ideas founded entirely on my malingering imagination. All ideas that I find distasteful or harmful, will be converted to ideas that bring me joy. When asked if I believe in Heavenly Father, I will translate that to mean the Divine Mother Mary and exclaim, "With all my heart, Mr. Bishop!" He will think it strange how I refer to his holy authority but that is all part of the game. A game that does no harm and only makes me enjoy the experience all the more. At the dinner table, we will discuss and debate the ideas taught at church. My children and wife will be aware of my malingering but I will ask them to keep it secret.

Expected outcome: I will find a way to support my my wife in her desire and in the process, will find a deeper spirituality than ever known before.

[_schreech]

The Context: my wife and I sopped going to church a few years ago due to our losing our life-long testimonies after discovering crazy historical s***. Recently, my wife has decided she would be happier with our family involved in the church full time. The reasons for her desire matter not so don't ask! (thanks). Suffice it to say that her reasons are reasonable. My number 1 priority is to have respect and understanding in the home. I plan to comply with my wife's wishes in a positive way. Obviously, this poses a challenge for the non-believer. I'm convinced it can be done, so help me God. Here it is:

Name of the Plan: "Pious Malingering"

Patterned after: Joseph Smith's "Pious Fraud" and methodologies performed by various Old Testiment authors, known as "Allegory".

Purpose: To immerse myself into the religion without connecting my sane faculties with the dogma or any authoritative influences. Also, to protect my children from accepting any teaching at face value.

Method Abstract: any and all theological ideas presented within or without the ward building will be accepted as make-believe, subject to liberal interpretation, translation, and conversion to other ideas founded entirely on my malingering imagination. All ideas that I find distasteful or harmful, will be converted to ideas that bring me joy. When asked if I believe in Heavenly Father, I will translate that to mean the Divine Mother Mary and exclaim, "With all my heart, Mr. Bishop!" He will think it strange how I refer to his holy authority but that is all part of the game. A game that does no harm and only makes me enjoy the experience all the more. At the dinner table, we will discuss and debate the ideas taught at church. My children and wife will be aware of my malingering but I will ask them to keep it secret.

Expected outcome: I will find a way to support my my wife in her desire and in the process, will find a deeper spirituality than ever known before.

Ouch...I couldn't do it. I say support your wife but why can't she support your desire not to attend? This plan is only going to lead to frustration and anger, frustration and anger lead to the darkside....Good luck!

[_Nightlion]

The LDS experience is a oneness of perfect human arrogance. Any doubts that you let on and that your children pick up on will be transparent to the Body of Pride. Mormons do not believe their own scripture. It does not matter that you disagree with the doctrine, or that you are ashamed of the history. What is inviolate is that everyone put their shoulder to the wheel and move the great work that encapsulates the epitome of human arrogance to greater and greater validation.

They will find you out and emasculate you in the eyes of your wife and children. You want to be a hypocrite against hypocrites. That equals nothing. It would be better for you to realize that they do NOT believe what they say any more than you do and get with the program of elite wholesomeness for its own sake. Keep your eye on the prize, which is peace and contentment and good buddies and fierce neighbors who will assist you in all things. That is the only true Mormonism practiced anymore. The gospel is long gone and well forgotten except that they call everything THE GOSPEL. They do not mean it, get a grip. They are way ahead of you and you do not realize it. So do not be foolish about it. Act repentant and all unworthy and contrite and they will hug you to their bosoms and love you all the more for the huge weight of instant validation you brought to them.

Accept callings and plead for "righteousness" the enhancement of the Body of Pride. Nobody means anything else by it. That is better hypocrisy than the unwise expectation that you can fool a bunch of expert liars. Hell, rise up all you backsliders and take back the hypocrisy that is your birthright. You could overwhelm it soon enough and steer it straight into the rocks of oblivion. Its a fallen carcass about to be trodden under foot anyways. Might as well have some fun with it. I say charge!

[_Madison54]

Ouch...I couldn't do it. I say support your wife but why can't she support your desire not to attend? This plan is only going to lead to frustration and anger, frustration and anger lead to the darkside....Good luck!

I couldn't agree more!

quark, just reading through your post made me want to scream!

I tried to continue attending after I stopped believing and so did my husband. We came home every week in the worst mood and being very snarky with each other for the rest of the day. I simply COULD NOT DO IT.

But if you feel you have to, then good luck....I honestly mean that.

However, I feel it's very unfair of your wife to ask you to devote so much of your time and life to something you no longer believe in. I also feel you will most likely start resenting her more and more and more with every second you have to spend in church "acting" like you approve and believe in something you don't.

I also highly doubt that your outcome will be this:

I will find a way to support my my wife in her desire and in the process, will find a deeper spirituality than ever known before.

[_Wisdom Seeker]

The Context: my wife and I sopped going to church a few years ago due to our losing our life-long testimonies after discovering crazy historical s***. Recently, my wife has decided she would be happier with our family involved in the church full time. The reasons for her desire matter not so don't ask! (thanks). Suffice it to say that her reasons are reasonable. My number 1 priority is to have respect and understanding in the home. I plan to comply with my wife's wishes in a positive way. Obviously, this poses a challenge for the non-believer. I'm convinced it can be done, so help me God. Here it is:

Name of the Plan: "Pious Malingering"

Patterned after: Joseph Smith's "Pious Fraud" and methodologies performed by various Old Testiment authors, known as "Allegory".

Purpose: To immerse myself into the religion without connecting my sane faculties with the dogma or any authoritative influences. Also, to protect my children from accepting any teaching at face value.

Method Abstract: any and all theological ideas presented within or without the ward building will be accepted as make-believe, subject to liberal interpretation, translation, and conversion to other ideas founded entirely on my malingering imagination. All ideas that I find distasteful or harmful, will be converted to ideas that bring me joy. When asked if I believe in Heavenly Father, I will translate that to mean the Divine Mother Mary and exclaim, "With all my heart, Mr. Bishop!" He will think it strange how I refer to his holy authority but that is all part of the game. A game that does no harm and only makes me enjoy the experience all the more. At the dinner table, we will discuss and debate the ideas taught at church. My children and wife will be aware of my malingering but I will ask them to keep it secret.

Expected outcome: I will find a way to support my my wife in her desire and in the process, will find a deeper spirituality than ever known before.

Serenity now.

[_just me]

Wait, so by going back you mean all the way to the temple?

[_Rambo]

This sounds awful! I couldn't do it man.

How about you make a comprimise with your wife and say the kids go to church every other sunday. She can go all she wants and you can not go all you want.

This is half your relationship as well.

Stuff like this makes me sooo glad I was still single when I discovered Mormonism was full of crap.

[_quark]

Ok, Ok.

I'm making an assumption. I assume I will enjoy the experience. This is the whole reason for "Pious Malingering" in the first place. Don't you think Joseph Smith enjoyed the imaginative engineering? Think about it. He created a whole world out of thin air.

It is true that living in your own world alone is hell. But! But, I have already found that being imaginative about religion is *very* fulfilling. My experience at the Spanish Parish in NM this week was one to be remembered! I stood in front of this statue of Mary and malingered my own spiritual experience. It was amazing! Does it hurt me to realize my spirituality is synthetic? No. It feels just like when I sit and listen to my wife play Beethoven's Pathetique. God, I love that song. I imagine so many things while she plays. It isn't real and I know it. Somehow, it is still meaningful.

[_quark]

Screech:

The plan is 50% selfish. I hope to find meaning and fulfillment for myself.

Keep in mind when Mr. Bishop asks if I keep the WofW, I translate that and have a nice beer after church.

Just Me: yes, this includes the temple. Why would I miss out on watching a rendering of one of the oldest fables known to man? Adam's hair is immaculate!

[_quark]

This sounds awful! I couldn't do it man.

How about you make a comprimise with your wife and say the kids go to church every other sunday. She can go all she wants and you can not go all you want.

This is half your relationship as well.

Stuff like this makes me sooo glad I was still single when I discovered Mormonism was full of s***.

Rambo. I see what you mean. What if you find a Mo woman that is your soulmate?