Cassius University Announces Policy on Mustaches

[_sock puppet]

Clearly beards lead to this:

Hey, Cam, you know the rule. No in real life pix of any poster, including me.

[_Gadianton]

Hello Darth J,

Thank you so much for clarifying our policy. So many students are prone to misunderstand the spirit of our rules.

Indeed, the Church, as Oaks instructs, is subject to relativism and adjudicative prophetic discerning and we should not consider the iron rod to be a rod of, well, iron. But rather, an elastic substance that looks like iron so long as the Brethren are watching from on high.

As far as the mustache goes, the honor code committee had reservations about it too as did the prophets. The problem here reduced to classic cost/benefit analysis. While students could flippantly cite the mustache of Jesus as implied by any necessary beard per absence of the scissor in ancient times and the mustache is numerically equal as is the beard to an empty bottle of alcohol or discarded syringe, the failures of the Aspen program in the 1970s were quickly followed by the phenomenal success of Magnum PI in 1980. Unable to conjure up an effective determent to the gay lifestyle encouraged by the invention of disco music and popularization of the "wah" guitar pedal, the sheer manliness TS Magnum led Mormon leaders to believe that in the grand order of things, if wearing a mustache led to drinking some beer or shooting a bit of speed, the price was justified if the sinner retained a "mocho", manly attitude shaped by the man's man of all time and counterfactual supposition alike.

[_sock puppet]

Hello Darth J,

Thank you so much for clarifying our policy. So many students are prone to misunderstand the spirit of our rules.

Indeed, the Church, as Oaks instructs, is subject to relativism and adjudicative prophetic discerning and we should not consider the iron rod to be a rod of, well, iron. But rather, an elastic substance that looks like iron so long as the Brethren are watching from on high.

As far as the mustache goes, the honor code committee had reservations about it too as did the prophets. The problem here reduced to classic cost/benefit analysis. While students could flippantly cite the mustache of Jesus as implied by any necessary beard per absence of the scissor in ancient times and the mustache is numerically equal as is the beard to an empty bottle of alcohol or discarded syringe, the failures of the Aspen program in the 1970s were quickly followed by the phenomenal success of Magnum PI in 1980. Unable to conjure up an effective determent to the gay lifestyle encouraged by the invention of disco music and popularization of the "wah" guitar pedal, the sheer manliness TS Magnum led Mormon leaders to believe that in the grand order of things, if wearing a mustache led to drinking some beer or shooting a bit of speed, the price was justified if the sinner retained a "mocho", manly attitude shaped by the man's man of all time and counterfactual supposition alike.

Ha-ha-ha. I guess Mark Spitz didn't play much of a role in the BYU decision.

[_moksha]

Dallin Oaks

There is nothing inherently wrong about long hair or beards, any more than there is anything inherently wrong with possessing an empty liquor bottle. But a person with a beard or an empty liquor bottle is susceptible of being misunderstood. Either of these articles may reduce a person’s effectiveness and promote misunderstanding because of what people may reasonably conclude when they view them in proximity to what these articles stand for in our society today.

I believe this policy was relaxed when it was pointed out that this argument also addressed the issue of secret financial dealings. Today, Dr. Daniel C. Peterson's moustache shines like a beacon of BYU's new tolerance for individuality.

.

[_Some Schmo]

Don't worry about Schmo, WheatThins, this is his real life identity:



and the song that made him famous

I'm not sure what deserves more pity, the realization that you know about that guy or that you thought this was somehow funny.

[_Buffalo]

[_DarkHelmet]

I thought the church was a manly, no homos allowed church. So why would they prefer guys look like this:



Instead of this:

[_Brackite]

I have a mustache, but I don't have a beard.

[_ludwigm]

I have beard only, a goatee style, as You see - or do not see - on my avatar.

[_DarkHelmet]