zeezrom wrote:While on my mission, I got myself into a real problem. A year earlier, as I was preparing to go out to the field, I repented of my horrible sins. I had finally confessed to a bishop after 5 long years of mental turmoil. Upon feeling forgiven, I was like a new man. Free at last, free at last. The day I left for the best two years, was the high point of my testimony in the LDS gospel. Never before did I feel so sanctified and glorified and ready to teach people the Lord's truth. These feelings were linked with an iron chain to my repentance.
Then, 1.5 years into my mission, I did it again. How mortified I was! This was supposed to be gone from my life forever. Richard G Scott promised me I could overcome! WTH?
My mind was wracked with torment for a month. There was gnashing of teeth in my dreams.
Finally, I mustered up enough strength to confess to the mission president. Upon telling him of my crimes against God, he said one thing: "You need to forgive yourself and move on."
Here I was, in tears, left wondering what to think of an answer so unexpected. That's it? No power of God to zap me clean? No repentance process? Just forgive myself?
Interestingly, I was a little disappointed that there wasn't more pomp and circumstance. I guess that is the miracle: the miracle of Forgiveyourself.
Funny thing, when you can forgive yourself, you don't need a church, its ordinances, tithings or rituals. You already hold the power of redemption within yourself.
Of course, the church doesn't want you to know that. What middleman services might they provide then? How would the tithing be paid?