When Good Mormon Men Go Bad

[_DaKing]

I would have to add my two cents that I believe social and financial status do play a part when these events happen. I have a friend from highschool who had 6 boys with her husband. He left her for another person in their ward that he had been having an affair with. He faced no church discipline and now she doesn't want to get a temple divorce becuase she is sure she needs to keep her temple marriage to him in order to reach the celestial kindom. I know crazy but it is true.

Men are favored and women come second in many circumstances but then we already knew that.

[_Mercury]

Those with gained power will always use it to their percieved advantage. Neglecting others is the cost and the Mormon power structure will go on the way it always has, unabated by those who hold little to no power.

It is what it is.

[_bcspace]

Why is this?

You're either withholding the other side of the story or you don't know the other side of the story.

[_Droopy]

The Time LightBox photo essay

http://lightbox.time.com/2011/12/05/happy-valley-a-photographer-reflects-on-his-mormon-upbringing/#1

and the ongoing comment war associated with it, has made public the issue of real Mormon culture as compared to that portrayed by the LDS Church PR machine in Church publications and in its ad campaigns. This frequent disconnect between appearance and what is often reality is a big reason for my BIC wife's faltering belief in the LDS Church.

Recently the husband of a well respected LDS family (BIC, RM, temple marriage, home schooling, etc.) in our the ward we live in came home from work and announced to his wife that he was divorcing her. He then ordered his wife and female children to move out of the family home.

This guy is a senior executive in an international company and well respected in the ward and his profession. He has managed to acquire (and hide) a lot of assets over the years and yet refuses to help his wife and daughters financially. It is also clear that he has been in some kind of intimate relationship with a professional female with whom he works. His wife and female children have been essentially banished from their home ward and now attend church in a neighboring ward. The male children remain in the family home largely unsupervised. This individual continues to attend Church and hold a calling (GD Teacher) as if nothing has happened.

In another case that involved friends in the Church, a professional individual who was a member of the Stake High Council got his mistress pregnant at the same time his wife was pregnant. He then divorced his pregnant wife, who by the way was very attractive and intelligent convert to the Church. When she asked him about their "eternal family", he told her that he was building a new one, that he knew exactly how to work the system, and that he would be back in the temple in no time. As it turned out, he and his mistress-now-wife were back in less than two years. Needless to say his first wife is no longer LDS.

These and several more examples of how professional men seem to be able to flaunt the rules of the Church with few in any negative consequences is one of the things that really bothers NOM Dear Wife about the way the LDS Church actually operates.

Men who are successful in life and have a network of friends in the Church often seem almost immune from discipline or sanction and their bad behavior often goes by with little notice.

Not so for the women. Not even close.

Why is this?

Our up close and personal experience with the real long term damage and the life altering fall-out from the attitude of the Church toward women and gays really is saddening sometimes. When we step back and take stock, however, it turns out that our closest friends here are LDS Church-damaged people. The upside (for us anyway) is that such people make excellent friends and colleagues.

I have never seen a more elementary and catastrophic example of the fallacy of hasty generalization in my entire life.

The author of this piece of juvenile bigotry really needs to get a bit of fresh air.

Might I suggest Ganymede?

[_ldsfaqs]

The Time LightBox photo essay

http://lightbox.time.com/2011/12/05/happy-valley-a-photographer-reflects-on-his-mormon-upbringing/#1

and the ongoing comment war associated with it, has made public the issue of real Mormon culture as compared to that portrayed by the LDS Church PR machine in Church publications and in its ad campaigns. This frequent disconnect between appearance and what is often reality is a big reason for my BIC wife's faltering belief in the LDS Church.

Just because the Church contains people like YOU, people who have their own minds and interests, who don't care about the Church, about the Values the Church teaches, about their Covenants, etc., doesn't mean that is the Churches fault. IT's YOUR FAULT.....

Recently the husband of a well respected LDS family (BIC, RM, temple marriage, home schooling, etc.) in our the ward we live in came home from work and announced to his wife that he was divorcing her. He then ordered his wife and female children to move out of the family home.

So what.....? My "well respected" and loved Eternal Companion committed adultery with two different men 8 times, belittled me our entire marriage, destroyed our finances with an MLM obsession to get rich, lost our house, caused me to loose my job, destroyed our credit, and then ran off to Malaysia with my three little children.

Is what she did the Churches fault? No..... She was simply a person without true character and CHOSE HERSELF who she wanted to be. Right now, she is back in the states, and no consequences at all for her actions, not even from the Church. Even that's not necessarily the Churches fault, she used the system to her advantage, and "confessed" while she was in Malaysia, so I was not able to give testimony.

This guy is a senior executive in an international company and well respected in the ward and his profession. He has managed to acquire (and hide) a lot of assets over the years and yet refuses to help his wife and daughters financially. It is also clear that he has been in some kind of intimate relationship with a professional female with whom he works. His wife and female children have been essentially banished from their home ward and now attend church in a neighboring ward. The male children remain in the family home largely unsupervised. This individual continues to attend Church and hold a calling (GD Teacher) as if nothing has happened.

Welcome to the club..... Unfortunately, there is not much the Church can do.
Unless people are honest, and testimony is given, then there is simply not much the Church can do, especially getting in the middle of personal relationships. I sent a 7 page letter to my ex's leaders in Malaysia, and also created a 50 point list of all her sins, yet, her leaders there simply thought I was crazy. Had my ex however had remained in our original ward, and we had remained in the same city, she would have most certainly been excommunicated. Thus, it's not the Churches fault that she lives her life deceiving herself and others.

I finally found someone I could stay with and over Christmas and I'm going to Provo where she now is to see my 3 little boys for the first time in over 2 years. So much more to the story, but it's like she has a split personality. That's not the Churches fault.

In another case that involved friends in the Church, a professional individual who was a member of the Stake High Council got his mistress pregnant at the same time his wife was pregnant. He then divorced his pregnant wife, who by the way was very attractive and intelligent convert to the Church. When she asked him about their "eternal family", he told her that he was building a new one, that he knew exactly how to work the system, and that he would be back in the temple in no time. As it turned out, he and his mistress-now-wife were back in less than two years. Needless to say his first wife is no longer LDS.

And? There are bad people in the Church..... Still not the Churches fault.

These and several more examples of how professional men seem to be able to flaunt the rules of the Church with few in any negative consequences is one of the things that really bothers NOM Dear Wife about the way the LDS Church actually operates.

Bull.... I guarantee you that there are nearly just as many women. Of course, I would agree there aren't AS many, because women generally tend to be better, but women have their own problems. Are you telling me you've never seen any women who were a little off in the Church, with faithful husbands who stand by them?

I would recommend your NOM wife to stop listening to you and learn the whole truth.
Tell her my story, and then try to claim that the men in the Church are bad, and that the Church encourages and allows it by operation.

Men who are successful in life and have a network of friends in the Church often seem almost immune from discipline or sanction and their bad behavior often goes by with little notice.

Personally I think you're sexist.... and applying your anti-mormon bigotry on the Church you are completely ignorant of.

Not so for the women. Not even close.

Bull....

Why is this?

Because it's all in your own warped mind, not reality.

Our up close and personal experience with the real long term damage and the life altering fall-out from the attitude of the Church toward women and gays really is saddening sometimes. When we step back and take stock, however, it turns out that our closest friends here are LDS Church-damaged people. The upside (for us anyway) is that such people make excellent friends and colleagues.

You are wrong..... It's not damaged by the LDS Church, it's damaged caused by sinful men and women, which YES, the Church does contain, no matter how better it is compared to others. There are still humans in it. The vast majority however are faithful, good, sincere, etc. and try to do their best, even though they make mistakes. People who manipulate the system, who abuse others, they tend to leave the Church and become anti-mormons JUST LIKE YOU.....

[_ludwigm]

Why is this?

You're either withholding the other side of the story or you don't know the other side of the story.

In this type of cases, I don't care the other side, if it exists at all.
Anyway, we are talking about saints.

In our (OK, in my wife's...) ward there was a ward president. He criticised my wife at TR interview, when she revealed she drink a glass of champagne with me - during every New Year's Eve, that is once in a year.
I said next time she should not say this.
She said it is kind of lying and I were cynical.
Next year that president committed adultery, divorced and left.

This has happened 10+ years ago. (For You, it is hearsay.)

We have the glass of champagne for this Silvester, and I am as cynical as was before. (In this sentence I've used the Hungarian usage of the word glass = bottle, not cup...)

[_LDSToronto]

We have the glass of champagne for this Silvester, and I am as cynical as was before. (In this sentence I've used the Hungarian usage of the word glass = bottle, not cup...)

I, too, will enjoy a Hungarian glass of champagne this Silvester.

Boldog uj evet!

H.

[_cafe crema]

Those experiences are all I've heard. Nothing extremely scandalous except the one with the former branch president leaving the wife and kids, and the apostate one. I don't know if you can call any of them 'good Mormon' men. They were all adult converts as were the people in their congregations, so the culture of the church and the gospel were not understood to the extent of someone who grows up in the church surrounded by good examples. If you've ever lived outside Utah in rural areas with only 1 or 2 converts who served missions to lead the congregations, you know they are not the same as well established mature LDS congregations.

So converts are flawed material as they grow up with non-members who couldn't possibly be a good example unlike LDS people who are such a good example.

[_Lucretia MacEvil]

Sometimes women go bad. One Relief Society pres I know started an intense friendship with a nonmember co-worker. She divorced her husband. Then the nonmember "friend" abandoned his family. Then he was baptized and less than a year later they were married in the temple. Apparently, this was all sanctioned by the church because they claimed to be not having sex and/or he makes good money. This action has resulted in a number of children (all of whom are grown) who will not stand to be in the presence of their parent's new spouse, meaning that neither of these two star-crossed lovers can enjoy their children/grandchildren without leaving the new spouse behind.

But the church gained a tithe payer and a priesthold holder, so it's all good?

[_Chap]

Sometimes women go bad. One Relief Society pres I know started an intense friendship with a nonmember co-worker. She divorced her husband. Then the nonmember "friend" abandoned his family. Then he was baptized and less than a year later they were married in the temple. Apparently, this was all sanctioned by the church because they claimed to be not having sex and/or he makes good money. This action has resulted in a number of children (all of whom are grown) who will not stand to be in the presence of their parent's new spouse, meaning that neither of these two star-crossed lovers can enjoy their children/grandchildren without leaving the new spouse behind.

But the church gained a tithe payer and a priesthold holder, so it's all good?

The ways of the CoJCoLDS are God's ways, not man's ways (and certainly not woman's ways).

Read the Bible more, take note of the way God acts as depicted therein, and you will be less surprised at this kind of thing.