A pattern in "leaving" the Church

[_mms]

As I have been coming around these parts for a few years, I see new people pop in who are starting to doubt (or well into doubting) the truthiness of the Church/its teachings and stories. There seems to be a bit of a pattern. I am wondering if anyone has nailed this down and written it up in a chart or timeline or something. Something that goes sort of like this:

- Received Rough Stone Rolling (as a gift or bought it because it seemed to be "approved" reading material);

- Read about polygamy and other details regarding Joseph Smith in RSR and had an internal freak out;

- Mentioned concerns to someone and was referred to fairlds.com;

- Was shocked by the admissions of the apologists at FAIR and more shocked at the utter weakness of the arguments;

- Got a bit angry at having had "unuseful truths" withheld by the Church;

- Went to MAD/MDD for help and was called a "troll" and shat upon by Pahoran and his friends--told that everyone learned this stuff in Nursery and you are an idiot for not knowing it all by "Valiant A";

- Continued to talk about the Church in generally positive terms, while expressing significant concerns and even anger regarding certain aspects--not going to "throw the baby out with the bathwater, though" etc.

- Began to experience a difference in treatment from some friends and family as a result of expressions of concerns and lessening of activity and overall enthusiasm regarding Church (and BYU football);

- Began to wonder if prior friendships and even family relationships were actually entirely dependent on a common belief in the "one true Church";

- Upon realizing that friends were friends largely because of the Church, began to seek out online "friendships" with those who think more like you;

- Continued reducing activity in the Church while people seemed to "give up" on rehabilitating your testimony and decided not to talk to you about issues anymore because you were unmovable and antagonistic from their point of view (i.e., would not simply agree with them);

etc. ???

[_zeezrom]

yes you've got it - give or take a couple minor details.

You might want to add: "Found out how beautiful life is when you can actually experience Kimball's tools of Satan; including coffee, Hanes, and breaking sweats on the Sabbath."

[_Morley]

My own pre-internet apostasy was a bit more old school. Having a crisis of faith, I began reading everything I could on evolutionary biology, hoping to find a hole big enough to drive the LDS Church through. Stolen hours in the Marriott Library, digesting articles on the Diego Blood Group, sealed the deal for me. It was only after that that I migrated to Fawn Brodie and Juanita Brooks.

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

Welp,

I think it's just a matter of our brains maturing, and additionally not having too many ties to the culture. When you leave the Church you're willing to cut ties with family and friends (and business). The more integrated you are into the Church the more unlikely you'll be willing to leave it.

When I left I was shunned by just a few people. I had a enough friends and associates to get by emotionally, intellectually, and socially. I didn't have to live in an area that was dominated by Mormons in every sense. I was free to leave... And I did.

It cost me my relationship with my mother, but I was willing to accept that. She died estranged from her youngest child whom she loved the most. And that's OK. I love her, still. She was a good woman. She was just confused. :/

V/R
Dr. Cameron

[_zeezrom]

+1 with the Doc

If we still lived in Utah, we would very likely be active in the church today.

[_Baker]

Would add:

- demanding life circumstances began to make fulfilling church callings difficult resulting in a cost/benefit analysis and more open look at one's devotion to the church.

- same cost/benefit analysis due to requirement of tithing in either dire circumstances or increasing wealth.

[_sethpayne]

As I have been coming around these parts for a few years, I see new people pop in who are starting to doubt (or well into doubting) the truthiness of the Church/its teachings and stories. There seems to be a bit of a pattern. I am wondering if anyone has nailed this down and written it up in a chart or timeline or something. Something that goes sort of like this:

- Received Rough Stone Rolling (as a gift or bought it because it seemed to be "approved" reading material);

- Read about polygamy and other details regarding Joseph Smith in RSR and had an internal freak out;

- Mentioned concerns to someone and was referred to fairlds.com;

- Was shocked by the admissions of the apologists at FAIR and more shocked at the utter weakness of the arguments;

- Got a bit angry at having had "unuseful truths" withheld by the Church;

- Went to MAD/MDD for help and was called a "troll" and shat upon by Pahoran and his friends--told that everyone learned this stuff in Nursery and you are an idiot for not knowing it all by "Valiant A";

- Continued to talk about the Church in generally positive terms, while expressing significant concerns and even anger regarding certain aspects--not going to "throw the baby out with the bathwater, though" etc.

- Began to experience a difference in treatment from some friends and family as a result of expressions of concerns and lessening of activity and overall enthusiasm regarding Church (and BYU football);

- Began to wonder if prior friendships and even family relationships were actually entirely dependent on a common belief in the "one true Church";

- Upon realizing that friends were friends largely because of the Church, began to seek out online "friendships" with those who think more like you;

- Continued reducing activity in the Church while people seemed to "give up" on rehabilitating your testimony and decided not to talk to you about issues anymore because you were unmovable and antagonistic from their point of view (i.e., would not simply agree with them);

etc. ???

Hi mms,

I actually studied this question for several months in grad school. Your observations pretty much match up with my own.

Seth

http://www.sethpayne.com/?p=691