Teaching Children: Fears and Critical Thinking

[_just me]

Hello my good friends. I have some questions for you all.

I have one child in particular who seems to be a skeptic. She is soon to be baptized.

I would like to share the most recent experience with you.

My daughter is afraid of going to sleep. She is afraid of scary things in the night. She has bad dreams. It appears that the fear of death is also wrapped up in her sleep issues. (side note: I can totally relate as I had fears of scary things in the night as a child and I would also cry myself to sleep over my fear of eternal life...But, I don't recall ever having a skeptical thought about LDSism)

I guess she talked to her TBM dad about it and he made charts about the Plan O' Salvation and stuff like that.

When I spoke with her she was crying and upset and not wanting to go to sleep (several days later). She talked about being afraid of going to sleep and monsters and bad/scary thoughts. Then she tells me that her dad told her about life and death, but she is still upset because what if he is wrong.

This is the same child who asked me how we can know Jesus is real since we've never seen him.

She didn't expound on her life and death questions at that time and since it was the middle of the night I focused on soothing her fears (no such thing as monsters, etc) and getting her to sleep. I did tell her how to redirect her thoughts and some relaxation techniques.

My question is this...at such a young age and when she is being taught to believe LDS doctrine by the other parent what can I do to nurture her critical thinking skills? How can I help ease her fears of death when going to sleep scares her? Normally I would say dying is like going to sleep! That won't be helpful at this particular time in her life, I don't think.

Any ideas?

[_LDSToronto]

You say this:

"Your dad is most definitely wrong. Now go the F#@k to sleep!"

H.

[_emilysmith]

Buy her a flashlight?

[_LDSToronto]

Buy her a flashlight?

And a jackknife.

[_LDSToronto]

But, in all seriousness, bb, 8 year-olds aren't renowned for their critical thinking skills and I really think you have two separate problems here:

1. A kid who's scared of the dark/going to sleep
2. A kid who is confused about religion

I have no idea what to do about the first issue - I know my kids used nightlights and the boys each had a penknife by the bed and my daughter found comfort in stuffed animals.

As for the second issue, you just need to encourage her to keep asking questions and most importantly, you need to give her answers that you feel are truthful even if those answers are different than the answers H gives her. And maybe sit down with her, H, and you and advocate for her - show her that someone takes her questions seriously.

H.

[_why me]

As for the second issue, you just need to encourage her to keep asking questions and most importantly, you need to give her answers that you feel are truthful even if those answers are different than the answers H gives her. And maybe sit down with her, H, and you and advocate for her - show her that someone takes her questions seriously.

H.

If she is 8 years old, she should be having 8 year old thoughts. As a catholic at that age, I knew of heaven and hell and hell was not a pleasant place. But it wasn't something I dwelt on. I was 8. A child should be having other thoughts than what if there is no god.

In this case between husband and wife, the child does not need conflicting truths. She just needs security.

[_MrStakhanovite]

Do you have children Why Me?

[_Quasimodo]

My daughter is afraid of going to sleep. She is afraid of scary things in the night. She has bad dreams. It appears that the fear of death is also wrapped up in her sleep issues. (side note: I can totally relate as I had fears of scary things in the night as a child and I would also cry myself to sleep over my fear of eternal life...But, I don't recall ever having a skeptical thought about LDSism)

Any ideas?

Do you have any idea where her fears are coming from? Can you ask her about that during the day when she may be less nervous?

I'm thinking that something she has heard or experienced may have brought up these fears. If you can find out what that was, you might be able to address it in a way the puts her mind at ease.

[_why me]

Do you have children Why Me?

Two. But they are grown now. I allowed my children to be children. I never believed that when they were children they needed critical thinking skills. But they did need my little ponies and barbies. When they were baptized it just was a natural event in their lives as was santa clause and the tooth fairy. I did not want my girls to be like the little girl in miracle on 34th street. (old version) Childhood is rather short these days. Best let children be children.

[_angsty]

...I guess she talked to her TBM dad about it and he made charts about the Plan O' Salvation and stuff like that.

When I spoke with her she was crying and upset and not wanting to go to sleep (several days later). She talked about being afraid of going to sleep and monsters and bad/scary thoughts. Then she tells me that her dad told her about life and death, but she is still upset because what if he is wrong.

...

Any ideas?

I was plagued by disordered sleep (night terrors, sleep paralysis & sonambulism) into early adulthood and I remember one discussion with my TBM dad that was especially helpful when I was quite young. He explained to me that my dreams didn't really mean anything in particular-- even though it felt like they did. He told me it was kind of like watching the TV. There's all kinds of things being broadcasted and sometimes it feels like I'm part of it while I'm watching, but really it's just made up. And, while I don't really get to pick what's on at any particular time, I can always change the channel if there's something I don't like. He also told me that if something bad was happening, or there was a scary monster, that's how I would know for sure it wasn't real, that I was just dreaming, and that all I had to do was wake myself up, or think of something else. It didn't completely solve every sleep problem of my life, but it made me feel a little more empowered.

If her fears at night are related to religious superstitions, and she does not find comfort in her father's beliefs, I'm not sure what could help that wouldn't include undermining what he is teaching her in some way- encouraging her to take things less seriously, less literally, or believe otherwise. I can't imagine that a talk about the plan of salvation would have helped me any-- all it does is make the cosmic drama (that induced the fear in the first place) more real and immediate.

I was extremely superstitious (probably had something to do with taking religion very seriously) and those superstitions really fueled some of my worst nights. When I was around eight, my mother gifted me her mission scriptures, and I would stay up late in my room reading and praying to ward off evil spirits that I thought were around me (sounds kind of crazy, I know). One scripture that I would read over and over again was John 14:18 "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you" and I clung to that desperately at times.

I think my young sleep life would have been infinitely better if I hadn't believed so completely in God, and the Devil, the wickedness of the world, things that would happen in the last days, spirits, etc. I really did believe what I was being taught at church and at home, and it wasn't hard to draw some pretty scary conclusions based on that information.

Also, I also had a very sheltered entertainment life-- no TV at home, etc. So, unlike other kids my age, I wasn't used to "scary" movies, as a form of entertainment, and that might have caused me to be overly sensitive as well. I remember watching the X-Files at a friends house in my late teens, and being completely terrified. I wonder if my parents had introduced me to some age-appropriate "scary" movies when I was younger and reasoned with me about them, if I would have been desensitized earlier-- it would have been nice.

Anyway, just a few thoughts from a reformed insomniac/disordered sleeper.