OMG, Time Flies! I've been a secret apostate for years now!

[_LDSToronto]

Being non believing and active isn't anymore confusing than being believing and inactive.

Liz with the win!

H.

[_Jersey Girl]

by the way Just Me, I agree that it's hard. It also seems the challenges will never end.

Have you ever seen the show Cake Boss? The owners and employees of this cake business are all in a very close family. They argue and bicker and scream at each other sometimes but they love and support each other. Family is everything to them. When I watch it, I'm sad to think that my family isn't like that. There is too much "hoping for conversion" that gets in the way. Too much silence. Too much being said while we aren't in each other's faces. We think we are so different from each other now but we really aren't. I know. It feels different because we don't wear garments like you do. But dad, that really isn't who you are. Can't we just look at who we are?

Of course they argue, bicker, scream, love and support each other. Of course family is everything to them.

They're from Jersey.
:-)

[_LDSToronto]

by the way Just Me, I agree that it's hard. It also seems the challenges will never end.

Have you ever seen the show Cake Boss? The owners and employees of this cake business are all in a very close family. They argue and bicker and scream at each other sometimes but they love and support each other. Family is everything to them. When I watch it, I'm sad to think that my family isn't like that. There is too much "hoping for conversion" that gets in the way. Too much silence. Too much being said while we aren't in each other's faces. We think we are so different from each other now but we really aren't. I know. It feels different because we don't wear garments like you do. But dad, that really isn't who you are. Can't we just look at who we are?

Of course they argue, bicker, scream, love and support each other. Of course family is everything to them.

They're from Jersey.
:-)

That's still no excuse for the flagrant misuse of fondant.

H.

[_Jersey Girl]

Of course they argue, bicker, scream, love and support each other. Of course family is everything to them.

They're from Jersey.
:-)

That's still no excuse for the flagrant misuse of fondant.

H.

LOL. Our family is not unlike how zee described Cake Boss in Hoboken. You always know where you stand in this family and no matter what, you know we'll always have your back.

I feel sad when I think that zee doesn't have that experience. Everyone should have people who will step up to the plate on your behalf no matter what or who you are up against.

I am not qualified to discuss fondant. Fondant, while very beautiful, still skeeves me out.

:-)

[_just me]

Thank you, bb. *ugly crying* I will paste it along with the poem that honor shared.

[_Blixa]

That's still no excuse for the flagrant misuse of fondant.

H.

I believe there is a special place in hell for people who have popularized fondant AS A CAKE ICING!

I might have to reverse my position and tell Hoops that in some cases infinite punishment is justice.

[_Tarski]

Maybe she should weight. Maybe she is board with church.

As soon as I posted my post, I saw my mistake and corrected it. I didn't realize that you were marshall Matt Dillion. Fast on the draw.

Yet you can't catch on to the fact that your avatar is not visible to the rest of us even though this has been pointed out repeatedly. Reload it!

PS: You also can't catch on to the fact that Joseph Smith was a fraud.

[_Yoda]

I just can't believe I started this journey somewhere around 3 years ago. The cog-dis began around the time of Prop8 for unrelated reasons. I stopped believing totally at least 2 years ago. Now it seems like time has gone by so fast and here I am, finally getting ready to take my leap of faith off the edge of the known and into the unknown. I've sometimes been frustrated with myself, watching others take a much quicker exit from the church. I was happy with my pace in the early stages, but now not so much.

Life is a lot more exhilarating and complicated without the church to tell me what to do. I get to actually think about things myself now. But, in another way, it is more simple. I don't have to worry about utterly stupid crap.

The funny thing about humans is that no matter how awesome we are, we are also messy and sloppy. We make choices and sometimes we like the results and sometimes we don't. Whose to say that those choices were "wrong" or "right?" They just lead to different experiences and no matter the outcome those experiences become part of us.

I've been told that what I have done is selfish and that I am damaged. It's not okay, what I did. Not to my family. Not to my church family. Thinking for myself and doing things that are good for me is the highest offense. The hurtful things they have said were said out of love and concern, of course. That doesn't make it hurt less.

This has truly been my Refiner's Fire. I will never be the same person I was. I don't want to be. I have been made a new creature. I have broken the bonds and I am free.

The most treasured things I have learned from my journey are these few things:

*God/ess is within me and within each person
*To see the face of god/ess is to truly see myself
*When we serve others, we serve god/ess
*God/ess is love
*Life is precious and precarious and fleeting-live your personal truth


Doing this...doing this is hard. Staying in the church is hard. Leaving the church is hard. Everyone has to follow their own heart, their own path. Live the life you were meant to live. Help people along the way, if you can.

You know the kite story that gets told in church sometimes? The one where the kite can only fly as long as it is tethered by the string? The string is supposed to be the commandments and church and all that. Well, my old kite string was all knotted and tangled and short. Kite strings can be replaced. I found a better one. It is longer, stronger and the fibers are smooth and tangle resistant. I added some more ribbons to the tail, too. Just because I can.

Just Me, this is a beautiful post. I really feel for what you are going through, and I respect your difficult decision.

As Runtu stated, I think that everyone has to find their own path, and do what is right for them.

I do understand your feelings of a weight being lifted, and a new sense of freedom. Even though I am a NOM, and still very active in the LDS Church, being able to find a way to worship that works for me, and carve my own path has given me an enormous sense of freedom.

Please know that you have my support, and you are welcome to PM or email me any time during this process.

If it isn't too intrusive to ask...You mentioned that your husband is very strong TBM, and your children are all still actively attending. How is that working? Does your husband feel abandoned taking the kids by himself? You have small children, right?

Have you been able to talk to your husband about your doctrinal concerns? Is he supportive in your choice?

[_why me]

Yet you can't catch on to the fact that your avatar is not visible to the rest of us even though this has been pointed out repeatedly. Reload it!

PS: You also can't catch on to the fact that Joseph Smith was a fraud.

Once I figure out how to do it, I will let you know. :=)

As far as Joseph Smith being a fraud..perhaps you can relate just how the Book of Mormon came to be.

[_why me]

If it isn't too intrusive to ask...You mentioned that your husband is very strong TBM, and your children are all still actively attending. How is that working? Does your husband feel abandoned taking the kids by himself? You have small children, right?

Have you been able to talk to your husband about your doctrinal concerns? Is he supportive in your choice?

My guess: as of now she hasn't told her husband and is keeping her new freedom to herself. As she said, she is a non-believing active Mormon.