Thanks a lot Facebook

[_honorentheos]

Regarding the OP, Zee and Seth's responses are perfect.

I don't regret serving a mission, nor do I feel particular angst over teaching people what I really believed to be true as a missionary or that they were baptised when they saw fit to do so. We all exert "gravity" on others all the time. My views on the LDS faith were sincerely held and not so different than my views on other things that have also evolved over time. I think I'd only feel some regret if I thought I had been dishonest. This is probably different for everyone, but from my perspective I can't think of anyone I taught who I'd think, "If only they hadn't become LDS they could have lived a much, much better life."

Where I do feel regret is when I recall times when I acted unintentionally dickish because of something I believed. I recently had a conversation on Facebook with an old co-worker who was a good friend and this came up. We ended up talking about something that had happened where I had not been the best of friends because at the time there was a rumor of infidelity involved. While I wasn't rude directly, I was obviously stand-offish and this person knew that I thought less of them. It turned out that there were a lot of facts involved that weren't known to me at the time. What makes me feel really, REALLY bad is I thought then I was doing a good job of being a friend despite it all. It turns out I wasn't hiding my underlying condescending attitude well at all, and wasn't aware I was being condescending.

In fact, my mission regrets take this line most of the time: Those companions I might have offended because I really, REALLY believed we had to be perfect missionaries to be rewarded with success and they weren't helping achieve this; the ward members I thought less of for being scared to share their beliefs with their friends; the family members looked down on for not serving missions or getting married in the temple...

My regrets come from the recognition that many of the times I felt I was trying to care the most were the times I was the least sincere in caring. Because it wasn't caring from the heart, it was trying to adopt a form of caring that I didn't necessarily feel but thought was what I should feel.

[_Willy Law]

Tough call Dude. I think if you were not that close to them I would not go into it. I only baptized one person on my mission and I am still very close to her. I have an email typed to her for about a year now that I have still not sent. To me it is important she know that what I taught her and told her I did in good faith. I would hate for her to learn the truth about the church and feel that I covered up the truth or lied to her. That being said I am still to chicken sh** to send it. that's it, I'm sending it.

[_Dr. Shades]

The way I see it, interpersonal relationships remain paramount despite any changes of religious opinions that may have taken place in the interim.

Do you still like these people? If so, respond to their messages and friend requests! Don't worry about religion unless one of them asks you point-blank about it.

In the meantime, enjoy your rekindled friendship.

[_The Dude]

Thanks for the comments everyone. I took the weekend to think about it and responded to the messages.

Basically, following advice from Dr. Shades and others, I focused on our friendship. I thought, "what if I was still LDS and they had left the church. Would I still want to seek friendship?" And the answer is, "of course". For about 5 months, through 3 different companions, this was the family that took care of me. Of course they are my friends and the stupid church doesn't matter.

[_Dr. Shades]

I'm very glad you took my (and others') advice, The Dude. As luck would have it, a half hour after I posted my post before this one I left to go have dinner with the selfsame family from my own mission that means to me what yours means to you. Good food and good times were had by all. We all agreed that we're very glad that we're all still friends, and still in contact, lo these almost 22 years later.

They're still believing members, and I don't make any secret of my religious status on my Facebook page, but that hasn't gotten in the way of our friendship, thank goodness. Fortuitously enough, other than tangentally, religion hasn't come up in conversation at all.

So, again, I'm glad you took our advice. I truly believe you'd be needlessly missing out on a rewarding relationship otherwise.

[_Runtu]

Alfredo, a lot of us here served missions. I did it because I really, truly believed it. Thank heavens I didn't actually baptise anyone (those darned Godless Swiss!), but if I had I'd just have to face the fact that I did it with the best of intentions, because I truly believed it. I couldn't have foreseen that I was teaching just another religion of man to people. I was unable to see that at the time. I don't know what I'd feel right now if I had baptised anyone, but I don't think it would be fair to say I would have done anything wrong or shameful. Life is what it is, and we cannot always see the future from where we stand now.

Well said. People ask me if I regret going on a mission, particularly after they've my book. I always say I don't regret it, simply because, as you said, I went because I believed in the church and I believed going on a mission was the right thing to do.

You can't undo the past, and I am in many ways grateful for the experiences I had in Bolivia. I regret some of the things I did because I know I compromised with my conscience more than once in the service of missionary work. But as far as the overall experience, I don't regret it and don't feel bad at all about teaching people what I believed at the time. If the people I baptized are happy in the church, I'm happy for them.