Damage Control Specialist: Expert in spinning lies to truth needed immediately by a non-traditional christian denomination, located in mountain environment, led my all white prophets, seers and revelators (so-called and will need spin control). Key areas needing major spinning include making black white and vice versa as needed, flipping opinions of leadership to doctrine and vice versa as needed, promoting indentured servanthood of large female membership as God's calling/direction, spinning hatred/distate of homosexuals to love of same, spinning micromangent of personal sin as God's way, rationalizing 6 billion $$ business venture boondoggle into the "bad economy " made us do it.
Qualification-pathological liar with religious background primary.
Reply in person at the office of BK Packer- code words at door: "Joseph sent me"
Mormon Classified Ads
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_Drifting
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 7306
- Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 10:52 am
Re: Mormon Classified Ads
Situations Nearly Vacant
Apostle
Key Requirements
- Can talk for long periods without actually saying anything specific.
- Priesthood Holder (means women need not apply)
- White (This will be determined by a lineage search rather than just observing your skin colour *uncrosses fingers*)
- Does not embarrass easily
- Can keep a straight face when talking absolute bollocks
- Educated to degree level (Business degree preferred)
- Common sense to kindergarten level
Remuneration
No wage (but will receive a 'stipend' *wink, wink*)
Company car and chauffeur
All out other of pocket expenses that you can think of including food and lodgings, clothing, shoes and shoe cleaning...etc
Other perks
- Zero accountability
- Zero targets
- Zero visibility of working hours
Apostle
Key Requirements
- Can talk for long periods without actually saying anything specific.
- Priesthood Holder (means women need not apply)
- White (This will be determined by a lineage search rather than just observing your skin colour *uncrosses fingers*)
- Does not embarrass easily
- Can keep a straight face when talking absolute bollocks
- Educated to degree level (Business degree preferred)
- Common sense to kindergarten level
Remuneration
No wage (but will receive a 'stipend' *wink, wink*)
Company car and chauffeur
All out other of pocket expenses that you can think of including food and lodgings, clothing, shoes and shoe cleaning...etc
Other perks
- Zero accountability
- Zero targets
- Zero visibility of working hours
“We look to not only the spiritual but also the temporal, and we believe that a person who is impoverished temporally cannot blossom spiritually.”
Keith McMullin - Counsellor in Presiding Bishopric
"One, two, three...let's go shopping!"
Thomas S Monson - Prophet, Seer, Revelator
Keith McMullin - Counsellor in Presiding Bishopric
"One, two, three...let's go shopping!"
Thomas S Monson - Prophet, Seer, Revelator
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_Quasimodo
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 11784
- Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:11 am
Re: Mormon Classified Ads
ANTIQUITIES!
Large selection of authentic artifacts from the Holy Lands and Mesoamerica.
Many more!
All items authenticated by the Brigham Young University, Department of Anthropology/Archaeology.
Be the first in your ward to own a real piece of Mormon history!
Contact John L. Lund at jllund@legalexpenses.com
Large selection of authentic artifacts from the Holy Lands and Mesoamerica.
Many more!
All items authenticated by the Brigham Young University, Department of Anthropology/Archaeology.
Be the first in your ward to own a real piece of Mormon history!
Contact John L. Lund at jllund@legalexpenses.com
This, or any other post that I have made or will make in the future, is strictly my own opinion and consequently of little or no value.
"Faith is believing something you know ain't true" Twain.
"Faith is believing something you know ain't true" Twain.
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_Ceeboo
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 7625
- Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2010 1:58 am
Re: Mormon Classified Ads
Former Mormons Sought:
Do you have a strong desire to regain the feeling of superiority that you once had? Are you looking to be absolutely certain about a belief again? Do you enjoy telling others what they believe and how utterly silly those beliefs are? Do you want to be in the Maher fan club? Is far left the place for you?
Atheism is your answer!
Join others who share hightened intelligence, elevated reasoning skills, and a broad and rich wisdom of all topics.
Don't Delay - Join us now at WeDon'tDialougeWeTeach@SuperSmart.com
Do you have a strong desire to regain the feeling of superiority that you once had? Are you looking to be absolutely certain about a belief again? Do you enjoy telling others what they believe and how utterly silly those beliefs are? Do you want to be in the Maher fan club? Is far left the place for you?
Atheism is your answer!
Join others who share hightened intelligence, elevated reasoning skills, and a broad and rich wisdom of all topics.
Don't Delay - Join us now at WeDon'tDialougeWeTeach@SuperSmart.com
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_Dantana
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 695
- Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2011 10:53 pm
Re: Mormon Classified Ads
Paid Advertisement
Hey folks, Billy Mays here on behalf of the independent distributorship of the west Lephi 9th branch....and introducing for the first time ever the all new "Seers Seeker Suit".
Ever wondered why men could be gods and now we shouln't. Ever puzzled over why our leaders hated blacks but now they don't. Why did dishships used to flip and now they Won't......Now you too can have all the answers of the sages at your iris-tips. Just say the magic words....Googl-it, and shazaam you now have all the information a granite vault could hide.
This kit comes complete with a breastplate made of the finest gypsum the Chinese Govt could imitate, A fully adjustable arm attached to affix your Seerstone (smart phone) and, for you borderline apostates, the best part of all, total body Wrath protection. Just strap on the breastplate, climb into the mummy bag, zip it up, and enjoy hours of wrath free Googling. The secret is in our liquid lead lining to ensure space gods can't see through, and to further ensure guilt free googling, all the proper signs are smartly ironed on to all the right places.
So why not folks, live it up, get yourself a Seers Seeker Suit.
Hey folks, Billy Mays here on behalf of the independent distributorship of the west Lephi 9th branch....and introducing for the first time ever the all new "Seers Seeker Suit".
Ever wondered why men could be gods and now we shouln't. Ever puzzled over why our leaders hated blacks but now they don't. Why did dishships used to flip and now they Won't......Now you too can have all the answers of the sages at your iris-tips. Just say the magic words....Googl-it, and shazaam you now have all the information a granite vault could hide.
This kit comes complete with a breastplate made of the finest gypsum the Chinese Govt could imitate, A fully adjustable arm attached to affix your Seerstone (smart phone) and, for you borderline apostates, the best part of all, total body Wrath protection. Just strap on the breastplate, climb into the mummy bag, zip it up, and enjoy hours of wrath free Googling. The secret is in our liquid lead lining to ensure space gods can't see through, and to further ensure guilt free googling, all the proper signs are smartly ironed on to all the right places.
So why not folks, live it up, get yourself a Seers Seeker Suit.
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_Molok
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 1832
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 4:31 am
Re: Mormon Classified Ads
Ceeboo wrote:Former Mormons Sought:
Do you have a strong desire to regain the feeling of superiority that you once had? Are you looking to be absolutely certain about a belief again? Do you enjoy telling others what they believe and how utterly silly those beliefs are? Do you want to be in the Maher fan club? Is far left the place for you?
Atheism is your answer!
Join others who share hightened intelligence, elevated reasoning skills, and a broad and rich wisdom of all topics.
Don't Delay - Join us now at WeDon'tDialougeWeTeach@SuperSmart.com
Lol. I like it!