Any PARANORMAL missionaries stories??

[_Darth J]

One time on my mission, I saw the ghost of a UFO.

[_Bond James Bond]

On my mission I kept a journal that I later posted on the Internetz for lulz.

[_Darth J]

On my mission, sometimes it wasn't always clear who's the boss. In the MTC I was head of the class, while a lot of the other missionaries screwed around, came in late, and were only saved by the bell. Small wonder that lot of the time I just wanted to yell, "Gimme a break!"

Once I was out in the mission field, though, it was a different world. I found out that it takes different strokes to run things. Sometimes it was Elder Charles in charge. Other times my companion and I would be two silver spoons together, even if we started out as perfect strangers. Probably my favorite companion of all was Barney Miller. I like Elder Newhart a lot, too. Sure, I sometimes had some growing pains, but that was just part of learning the facts of life. We were always looking for potential converts who were married with children, so their family ties would strengthen the Church in our area. There were several times that we succeeded in finding those golden girls and guys who were ready to receive the gospel. When we were blessed enough to have a full house of new converts, it may have been too close for comfort, but we just took things one day at a time. One family in particular, the Jeffersons, was very active in missionary work. They brought their neighbor, Mr. Belvedere, to sacrament meeting one time, and even though he never got baptized, I think he really felt like we were all in the family. Truly, those were happy days.

I'll try to think of some more stories for this thread. Cheers!

[_Hoops]

The above post is hilarious.

[_Blixa]

I once heard that there was a sister missionary who could turn an investigator golden with her smile. Who could take a nothing series of missionary discussions and suddenly make them all seem worthwhile. With each prayer and every little lesson she showed it. The Holy Ghost was all around, there was no need to fake it, her testimony was so profound, there was no way to break it. She was gonna make her baptismal numbers after all!

[_Sethbag]

Once on my mission to Canada I had a companion who decided he was going home, so he booked a flight and went to the airport. I tried my hardest to talk him out of it, but he'd made his decision and he was sticking to it. I knew I was my brother's keeper, and that if I let him go home early form his mission, he'd forever be branded a slacker in Mormondom, and none of the righteous hotties would want to marry him.

So I called up the airport and told them there was a bomb on his plane. Yeah, that's right, a bomb.

Well, long story short, I got arrested and had to spend the night in jail with a bunch of people who, um, really need the gospel in their lives, let me tell you. I wanted to teach them all the discussions, but my companion wasn't there, and so I didn't feel it appropriate to act like a missionary because, you know, my friends in the jail cell would have known something was fishy because I was acting alone, without my companion.

Anyhow, the church sent a lawyer to help me out, and after God told Jesus to send the Holy Ghost down to the magistrate, and then to return and report, Jesus went and told the Holy Ghost to go down to the magistrate and inspire them to let me go, and then return and report. So the Holy Ghost went to the magistrate and inspired him to strike a deal with my attorney. He then went and reported back to Jesus. Then Jesus went and reported back to God.

Sorry that took so long.

Anyhow, the Canadians ended up deporting me to America. Can you believe that? idiots.

[_Kishkumen]

On my mission, sometimes it wasn't always clear who's the boss. In the MTC I was head of the class, while a lot of the other missionaries screwed around, came in late, and were only saved by the bell. Small wonder that lot of the time I just wanted to yell, "Gimme a break!"

Once I was out in the mission field, though, it was a different world. I found out that it takes different strokes to run things. Sometimes it was Elder Charles in charge. Other times my companion and I would be two silver spoons together, even if we started out as perfect strangers. Probably my favorite companion of all was Barney Miller. I like Elder Newhart a lot, too. Sure, I sometimes had some growing pains, but that was just part of learning the facts of life. We were always looking for potential converts who were married with children, so their family ties would strengthen the Church in our area. There were several times that we succeeded in finding those golden girls and guys who were ready to receive the gospel. When we were blessed enough to have a full house of new converts, it may have been too close for comfort, but we just took things one day at a time. One family in particular, the Jeffersons, was very active in missionary work. They brought their neighbor, Mr. Belvedere, to sacrament meeting one time, and even though he never got baptized, I think he really felt like we were all in the family. Truly, those were happy days.

I'll try to think of some more stories for this thread. Cheers!

Sheer genius.

[_Blixa]

I think Seth just won the thread.

[_Fence Sitter]

So we were teaching this red head married lady, whose husband wasn't interested in the Church cause he was in a band. He was sort of against her taking the lessons cause he had this new sliver travel trailer and he wanted to go camping on Sundays in the mountains where there were lots of rocks. He told her the only way she could get baptized was if she got a job and earned her own tithing.She asked if she could work in the band but for some reason he thought that was a bad idea. She tried dressing up like a man to get into his band but that didn't turn out so well either. She tried grape stomping for a bit but eventually she got work in a chocolate factory. Everything was going great and she got permission from her husband to get baptized. So we scheduled a baptismal date and she shows up drunk!!!! On top of that she gave me this B.S. story about how it wasn't her fault she was drunk because she had to eat rum filled chocolates at the factory because the conveyor belt was going too fast. We told her to come back when she could overcome her WOW problems.

We have found a new couple to teach but I am afraid it won't work out either because he is always threatening to hit her so hard she flies straight to the moon.

[_Bond James Bond]

Once I taught a couple that was very troubled. The man, a disgruntled bus driver, was constantly threatening his wife with physical violence. One time he threatened her in front of me during a meeting. I was saddened but got over it when I forgot about it. Later I took a job with NASA and when Apollo 11 launched I instinctively said "to the moon Alice". I hope he didn't beat her. That'd make me sad again.