Any PARANORMAL missionaries stories??

[_Darth J]

I needed to get a bicycle for my mission, but I didn't have enough money. I asked the mission president what I should do, and he said that if I gave him all the money I had, he would make up the difference so that I could get a bike. I did as he asked: I gave all my cash to the mission president, and then we went to the bicycle shop, and he made up the difference with his own money so that I could get the bike I needed.

But it turned out that I actually was in debt for that bicycle, even though the mission president promised that he would make up the difference as long as I gave him as much money as I had. So I had to sign a contract with the mission president agreeing that I would pay him back for the money he promised that he would freely give me, and even though I made this deal relying on his promise that I wouldn't owe him anything besides what I already paid. I started to wonder what would happen if it ended up that I couldn't pay him back for the money I "owed." The mission president said that he couldn't just let me have the bike according to our original deal, because it would not be justice if he had to follow through with the promise he already made and I relied on. I was very confused, so I asked the mission president what I should do. He said he would act as a mediator between me and himself---although this seemed a lot like self-dealing to me. The mission president said that he would agree to pay himself back for the debt that he promised me I would not have to repay. In exchange for the mission president agreeing that he would pay himself back for money he did not owe himself for a debt he promised I would not have, the mission president said that I would have to accept him as his creditor. This meant that I still owed the same debt that I was originally promised I wouldn't have, but now I would just owe the money to a different person---which was actually the same person, who was now both a mediator and a creditor and a swindler (since he got me into this deal under false pretenses).

Later, I had a problem. I found myself in a position where I didn't have enough money to make a payment on the debt I wasn't supposed to owe to the person who mediated with himself to become the creditor that he already was to begin with. The reason I didn't have the money is because I used it to buy lunch. This made me very worried, because the mission president said that it was a rule that I had to make payments on this debt he promised me I wouldn't have, and rules don't mean anything without a penalty. The mission president had decided that the penalty for being late with a payment (that he had led me to believe would not be owed) was being beaten with a stick ten times across with back without my coat on. So he made me take off my coat, and was about to beat me, when the person I owed the money to had pity on me. This, of course, was the mission president himself. Nevertheless, he asked if he could take my lickin' for me. Since he was both the creditor and the mediator (with himself), the mission president said that yes, he could take my lickin' for me, since it is a general principle of law that one person can be punished for another one's misdeeds (the mission president did not cite any legal authority for this general principle he said existed somewhere). So the mission president began to beat himself with the rod. As he did, I threw my arms around him and said, "Oh, President! You promised I wouldn't owe you any additional money for my bike if I gave you all my money and let you make up the difference, but then you decided you wanted to be paid back anyway, then mediated with yourself so instead of owing it to you, I would owe it to......you.....and then I needed lunch money so I didn't pay you the money I wasn't supposed to owe, so then you gave yourself the lickin' instead of to me, because you're such a vindictive sadist that you don't care who gets beaten as long as it's someone! And all this when you originally told me that I already did everything I needed to get the bike! I will love you forever!"

On the airplane home from my mission, I told this story to a lawyer sitting next to me. The lawyer said my story didn't really make any sense, because I couldn't explain it very well. In response, I asked him if he could explain what salt tastes like. He had to admit that he could not verbally explain what the taste of salt is. Because the lawyer on the airplane could not explain what salt tastes like, my story is true.

[_Tarski]

I needed to get a bicycle for my mission, but I didn't have enough money. I asked the mission president what I should do, and he said that if I gave him all the money I had, he would make up the difference so that I could get a bike. I did as he asked: I gave all my cash to the mission president, and then we went to the bicycle shop, and he made up the difference with his own money so that I could get the bike I needed.

But it turned out that I actually was in debt for that bicycle, even though the mission president promised that he would make up the difference as long as I gave him as much money as I had. So I had to sign a contract with the mission president agreeing that I would pay him back for the money he promised that he would freely give me, and even though I made this deal relying on his promise that I wouldn't owe him anything besides what I already paid. I started to wonder what would happen if it ended up that I couldn't pay him back for the money I "owed." The mission president said that he couldn't just let me have the bike according to our original deal, because it would not be justice if he had to follow through with the promise he already made and I relied on. I was very confused, so I asked the mission president what I should do. He said he would act as a mediator between me and himself---although this seemed a lot like self-dealing to me. The mission president said that he would agree to pay himself back for the debt that he promised me I would not have to repay. In exchange for the mission president agreeing that he would pay himself back for money he did not owe himself for a debt he promised I would not have, the mission president said that I would have to accept him as his creditor. This meant that I still owed the same debt that I was originally promised I wouldn't have, but now I would just owe the money to a different person---which was actually the same person, who was now both a mediator and a creditor and a swindler (since he got me into this deal under false pretenses).

Later, I had a problem. I found myself in a position where I didn't have enough money to make a payment on the debt I wasn't supposed to owe to the person who mediated with himself to become the creditor that he already was to begin with. The reason I didn't have the money is because I used it to buy lunch. This made me very worried, because the mission president said that it was a rule that I had to make payments on this debt he promised me I wouldn't have, and rules don't mean anything without a penalty. The mission president had decided that the penalty for being late with a payment (that he had led me to believe would not be owed) was being beaten with a stick ten times across with back without my coat on. So he made me take off my coat, and was about to beat me, when the person I owed the money to had pity on me. This, of course, was the mission president himself. Nevertheless, he asked if he could take my lickin' for me. Since he was both the creditor and the mediator (with himself), the mission president said that yes, he could take my lickin' for me, since it is a general principle of law that one person can be punished for another one's misdeeds (the mission president did not cite any legal authority for this general principle he said existed somewhere). So the mission president began to beat himself with the rod. As he did, I threw my arms around him and said, "Oh, President! You promised I wouldn't owe you any additional money for my bike if I gave you all my money and let you make up the difference, but then you decided you wanted to be paid back anyway, then mediated with yourself so instead of owing it to you, I would owe it to......you.....and then I needed lunch money so I didn't pay you the money I wasn't supposed to owe, so then you gave yourself the lickin' instead of to me, because you're such a vindictive sadist that you don't care who gets beaten as long as it's someone! And all this when you originally told me that I already did everything I needed to get the bike! I will love you forever!"

On the airplane home from my mission, I told this story to a lawyer sitting next to me. The lawyer said my story didn't really make any sense, because I couldn't explain it very well. In response, I asked him if he could explain what salt tastes like. He had to admit that he could not verbally explain what the taste of salt is. Because the lawyer on the airplane could not explain what salt tastes like, my story is true.

best explanation of the plan of salvation I have heard yet.
kudos

[_Kittens_and_Jesus]

I needed to get a bicycle for my mission, but I didn't have enough money. I asked the mission president what I should do, and he said that if I gave him all the money I had, he would make up the difference so that I could get a bike. I did as he asked: I gave all my cash to the mission president, and then we went to the bicycle shop, and he made up the difference with his own money so that I could get the bike I needed.

But it turned out that I actually was in debt for that bicycle, even though the mission president promised that he would make up the difference as long as I gave him as much money as I had. So I had to sign a contract with the mission president agreeing that I would pay him back for the money he promised that he would freely give me, and even though I made this deal relying on his promise that I wouldn't owe him anything besides what I already paid. I started to wonder what would happen if it ended up that I couldn't pay him back for the money I "owed." The mission president said that he couldn't just let me have the bike according to our original deal, because it would not be justice if he had to follow through with the promise he already made and I relied on. I was very confused, so I asked the mission president what I should do. He said he would act as a mediator between me and himself---although this seemed a lot like self-dealing to me. The mission president said that he would agree to pay himself back for the debt that he promised me I would not have to repay. In exchange for the mission president agreeing that he would pay himself back for money he did not owe himself for a debt he promised I would not have, the mission president said that I would have to accept him as his creditor. This meant that I still owed the same debt that I was originally promised I wouldn't have, but now I would just owe the money to a different person---which was actually the same person, who was now both a mediator and a creditor and a swindler (since he got me into this deal under false pretenses).

Later, I had a problem. I found myself in a position where I didn't have enough money to make a payment on the debt I wasn't supposed to owe to the person who mediated with himself to become the creditor that he already was to begin with. The reason I didn't have the money is because I used it to buy lunch. This made me very worried, because the mission president said that it was a rule that I had to make payments on this debt he promised me I wouldn't have, and rules don't mean anything without a penalty. The mission president had decided that the penalty for being late with a payment (that he had led me to believe would not be owed) was being beaten with a stick ten times across with back without my coat on. So he made me take off my coat, and was about to beat me, when the person I owed the money to had pity on me. This, of course, was the mission president himself. Nevertheless, he asked if he could take my lickin' for me. Since he was both the creditor and the mediator (with himself), the mission president said that yes, he could take my lickin' for me, since it is a general principle of law that one person can be punished for another one's misdeeds (the mission president did not cite any legal authority for this general principle he said existed somewhere). So the mission president began to beat himself with the rod. As he did, I threw my arms around him and said, "Oh, President! You promised I wouldn't owe you any additional money for my bike if I gave you all my money and let you make up the difference, but then you decided you wanted to be paid back anyway, then mediated with yourself so instead of owing it to you, I would owe it to......you.....and then I needed lunch money so I didn't pay you the money I wasn't supposed to owe, so then you gave yourself the lickin' instead of to me, because you're such a vindictive sadist that you don't care who gets beaten as long as it's someone! And all this when you originally told me that I already did everything I needed to get the bike! I will love you forever!"

On the airplane home from my mission, I told this story to a lawyer sitting next to me. The lawyer said my story didn't really make any sense, because I couldn't explain it very well. In response, I asked him if he could explain what salt tastes like. He had to admit that he could not verbally explain what the taste of salt is. Because the lawyer on the airplane could not explain what salt tastes like, my story is true.

This story made the kittens mew with delight!

[_Darth J]

This story made the kittens mew with delight!

The best part is that not only is it true, TBM's think it is wonderful and marvelous. http://eternalrounds.blogspot.com/2007/ ... ately.html