How Mormon Dialogue & Discussions crushed my testimony

[_lostindc]

I was asked to start a new thread on how Mormon Dialogue and Discussion et al. “crushed my testimony.” Below is a very brief version.

My parents converted to Mormonism along with us kids. We were raised LDS. I left the Church around 15 and started on a path of agnosticism and sometimes atheism. Long story short, I went back to the LDS Church in my early 20s. A few years later, around 2006ish, as a young married man with one kid (I am still married but with more kids) I started to have questions such as, the reasons for polygamy and the priesthood ban. I began to research these issues but was informed I needed to shelve these issues by leadership and family. So I did…for a while.

Around 2007-2008ish, I could no longer contain my questions. I stumbled upon FAIR LDS and subsequently the Mormon Dialogue board. I finally found my outlet. A place where many of my questions would be answered. I felt comfort. The methods posters and FAIR LDS used to champion the apologists made me feel safe. The whole phenomenon made me feel like there were scholars with legitimate answers.

Anyways, I began visiting numerous topics on FAIR LDS. 80% of the time, I was not satisfied, not even close. I hid this lack of satisfaction. Each time I had issues with doctrine etc. I would search Mormon Dialogue, ask a question, and/or search FAIR LDS. Each time I felt empty and terrible anxious.

Around this time, Mike Ash was widely celebrated for his book: Shaken Faith Syndrome. My faith was now quite shaken. I needed this book. I ordered immediately. As soon as I got the book I remember feeling relief without even reading. Unfortunately, the relief was brief. I remember the night so clearly that I dived into the book. I remember encountering the Kinderhook Plates and reading in absolute fear. I remember reading the Book of Abraham issues, treasure seeking, variations of visions and anachronism, items I never really worried about or even considered. I had a physical reaction. I knew something was wrong. Yet I hit the message boards, specifically Mormon Dialogue, posed questions, searched, and vehemently defended the Church against many posters that currently frequent Mormon Discussions. All the while watching folks such as Will Shyrivererer act as horrible as any person I have encountered via the WWW. Likewise, watching mods banning anyone with legitimate dissent. Watching posters claim issues were already answered, therefore there was no need to address which in my opinion was entirely false.

As I started to have more doubts and subsequently voiced my concerns, the crowd rose against me. It was a matter of time. Will Shryverer et al. celebrated with joy claiming I was only a brief time away from “apostacy.” I never experienced LDS members pushing current active members to leave the Church. Additionally, posters I use to team up with to argue against the opposition now turned on me much like the kids from Lord of the Flies turned on Piggy. I was no longer one of them. ‘I had to believe or leave.’ Not too much later, my head was on a stake. I was pushed out by Mormon Dialogue et al. The site and organization I turned to for answers to keep me afloat wanted me gone. So I left.

Fact, if I never encountered FAIR LDS and the Mormon Dialogue board I would likely still have a testimony. Maybe not a strong one but I am sure something would be there. If posters and notable apologists answered questions with: ‘I don’t know,’ instead of providing lacking speculation I believe many members would be retained. If the hatred and need to fight halts, I believe positive results will occur.

The End.

Well, really…not the end. Right now my family and I are wandering. My wife has basically lost her belief in the Church (in the last half year or so) and we have young children that will likely not be members as they are young. We get stressed over losing our belief system and facing her pioneer heritage family and the few members in my family but we try to laugh. We laugh at the absurdity of the city creek mall, and we both laughed when we both did not feel like laughing, such as last night after discussing her pain over losing her faith, when I showed her the thread on Church service missionaries having service missions at a Church operated for-profit hunting reserve. We are doing our best to find humor in the whole mess.

We are still on our existential quest.

P.S. not good with dates so please do not hold the timeline against me.

[_Tobin]

lostindc,

I left the church for many years and had similar feelings. I felt it was a total farce and con, and I could easily see the problems with it (and I still do). But, you are missing the point of Mormonism. Mormonism is about actually seeing and speaking with God. Do that instead and do what God actually tells you to do. No feelings; no dreams; no squishey maybes. Seek a real experience with God and that will set you on the right path. The problem with modern-day Mormonism is they have lost that. If that is all they taught people to do, I doubt few people would have a problem with the religion.

[_Themis]

lostindc,

I left the church for many years and had similar feelings. I felt it was a total farce and con, and I could easily see the problems with it (and I still do). But, you are missing the point of Mormonism. Mormonism is about actually seeing and speaking with God. Do that instead and do what God actually tells you to do. No feelings; no dreams; no squishey maybes. Seek a real experience with God and that will set you on the right path. The problem with modern-day Mormonism is they have lost that. If that is all they taught people to do, I doubt few people would have a problem with the religion.

I bet he has spent years doing it, but then comes along tobin who doesn't even deserve it claiming to see God. I seriously doubt it, and you should know I would bet no one here believes you actually saw God. You certainly do not know Mormonism or religion in general. It's very much about visions, feelings, thoughts, dreams, etc. I gather from your posts you have not been able to repeat the expereince in which you interpreted it as God.

[_Buffalo]

Thanks for sharing, lostindc. When you're trying to believe, that non-faith promoting information sure is a punch in the gut, isn't it?

MAD didn't destroy my testimony, but it sure was hard to realize that most of the egregiously obnoxious tribalistic jerks were the Mormon apologists, not to mention the crazy creation science types.

I found myself agreeing more and more with the thoroughly rational, evidence-based, educated, bombast-free logic of Tarski. He was my hero, even though I couldn't say so out loud.

Of course now I've discovered that there are some real nuts and jerkoffs on the critical side too. Such is the internet.

[_bcspace]

There must be an "I left the Church" MAD Lib floating around somewhere that doubting and ex Mormons copy from.

[_Themis]

I found that places like Fair and farms just helped to confirm the information we may hear about. That they don't realize their explanations are horrible and only help those who want to believe more then they want the truth.

[_Themis]

There must be an "I left the Church" MAD Lib floating around somewhere that doubting and ex Mormons copy from.

LOL Nope, but it shows that certain reasons truly are why many members stop believing. That you want to believe more then you want the truth is your problem.

[_Buffalo]

There must be an "I left the Church" MAD Lib floating around somewhere that doubting and ex Mormons copy from.

Is there a MAD lib where chapel Mormons get their fast Sunday conversion/small miracles/tearful repentance stories from?

[_CaliforniaKid]

Thanks for sharing, ldc. I'm sorry for your pain and your struggles, but glad to hear you and your family are united in this decision and continuing bravely on. That's more than a lot of "apostates" can say.

[_lostindc]

A huge punch in the gut is a start, but it felt more like a huge kick in the nuts...

Thanks for sharing, lostindc. When you're trying to believe, that non-faith promoting information sure is a punch in the gut, isn't it?

MAD didn't destroy my testimony, but it sure was hard to realize that most of the egregiously obnoxious tribalistic jerks were the Mormon apologists, not to mention the crazy creation science types.

I found myself agreeing more and more with the thoroughly rational, evidence-based, educated, bombast-free logic of Tarski. He was my hero, even though I couldn't say so out loud.

Of course now I've discovered that there are some real nuts and jerkoffs on the critical side too. Such is the internet.