God needs a better secretary

[_Darth J]

Have you noticed how it's only the parts that will confirm that the Book of Abraham is true that are missing, while all the parts that make it look exactly like a hoax are extant?

And why is it that all of the translation errors involve things that disprove the Book of Mormon's historicity, while all the unfalsifiable things we can assume were translated accurately?

Why do the Bretheren have the gift of discernment all the time except when it would really come in handy, like in transactions involving letters by Martin Harris or the memoirs of William E. McLellin?

Why did God take a day off when he finished creating the world, and leave behind overwhelming evidence that the human race did not enter mortality in the American mid-west 6,000 years ago?

Why do our living prophets and apostles not know about really trivial stuff like why some people are gay, not know why it looks a whole lot like the Adam and Eve story and Noah's ark are fables, not know where the Book of Mormon story happened, and why the facsimiles in the Book of Abraham don't mean what Joseph Smith said they mean, but they have plenty of time to talk about how many earrings girls should have and what the favorite snacks were of past presidents of the Church?

Maybe God is just really disorganized. Would a better secretary help him? Time management classes? Someone helping him get his priorities in order?

[_Chap]

God has all the papers dealing with that stuff, and explaining why they aren't problems. He wrote it all out eons ago.

Only now he can't find them.

[_Yoda]

Are you volunteering?

[_Kishkumen]

Are you volunteering?

Ha! That was wonderful. Hilarious.

[_Shulem]

and why the facsimiles in the Book of Abraham don't mean what Joseph Smith said they mean

Because Joseph Smith was a Goddamn liar and the prophets today are Goddamn ignorant.

Paul O

[_Buffalo]

That is one of the beautiful things about Mormonism. It has always been proven true in the studies that have not been written, research that has not been conducted and archeological evidence that has not been dug.

[_son of Ishmael]

Well how else are you going to show you have faith?

What happened is while the devil was burying all of the dinosaur and Neanderthal bones all over the world he was also hiding all of the evidence of steel, horses, wheat, wine, olives etc in the Americas and altered millions of people’s DNA. He also managed to hide all evidence of the flood, kill off the one type of fish that could swallow a man without killing him, and hid all evidence of Moses and his walk in the desert with hundreds of thousands of people. Then in his spare time he snuck into the museum that had the Book of Abraham papyri and changed the hieroglyphs.

It is so obvious…

[_bcspace]

Why do our living prophets and apostles not know about.....

Darth J has living prophets and Apostles?

You're talking to people who have faith and testimony. If Joseph Smith restored the Gospel, then all else will be revealed when it's revealed. Of course you're making it all out to be worse than it sounds. You always leave out the fact of the missing papyri as well has historical facts like Egyptian rulers had a penchants for changing and erasing history that made them look bad. There has never been criticism strong enough to be catastrophic to the Church when all angles have been examined.

[_Chap]

... You always leave out the fact of the missing papyri ...

That is, I am sure you meant, the hypothesis that there might have been a certain amount of papyrus rolled up inside the papyrus we have nowadays that is associated with the Book of Abraham.

It is perfectly possible that there was NO papyrus to speak of inside the roll we have (in broken form) today. The calculations of Smith, Gee and others are just attempts to work out the maximum there could possibly have been if there was any. The middle of the roll could just have been empty.

[_SteelHead]

Well how else are you going to show you have faith?

What happened is while the devil was burying all of the dinosaur and Neanderthal bones all over the world he was also hiding all of the evidence of steel, horses, wheat, wine, olives etc in the Americas and altered millions of people’s DNA. He also managed to hide all evidence of the flood, kill off the one type of fish that could swallow a man without killing him, and hid all evidence of Moses and his walk in the desert with hundreds of thousands of people. Then in his spare time he snuck into the museum that had the Book of Abraham papyri and changed the hieroglyphs.

It is so obvious…

Darn you Satan! Darn you to heck!!!

<shakes fist angrily>