What I wish I'd known before I apostatized.

[_Stormy Waters]

I mentioned this as a joke in the John Bytheway thread, but it got me thinking. What are some of the things I'd wish I'd known before I apostatized, and what would I do differently if I could do it over again. Maybe it could help someone thinking of leaving Mormonism.

(1) It goes without saying that many people will treat you differently when you leave. Part of this is because of what the church has taught them about apostates. Some will assume you're sinning or offended. Few if any will regard your doubts as legitimate. Don't take this behavior personally, but be prepared to lose a few relationships.

(2) There is still a lot to learn. Disregard almost everything you've heard about other religions and atheism in sunday school and seminary. Give yourself a chance to learn it directly from their sources if you haven't already.

(3) Trying to persuade Mormons will rarely help. No one likes to have their worldview challenged. In general wait for them to ask why you left.

I'm sure there I'll think of more to add later. All contributions and criticism are welcome.

[_RayAgostini]

I'm sure there I'll think of more to add later. All contributions and criticism are welcome.

Maybe the church needs to understand people like you better, and accept the fact that you're not "children of a lesser God" (if you believe in God), or untouchables.

Many of these religious and class distinctions and exclusions arise out of what Jesus called "the traditions of men". As I understand it, the first shall be last, and the last first, and "the children of the kingdom" shall be "cast out" if they think that being "Abraham's children" guarantees anything.

33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile. (2 Ne. 26)

I don't think that the "worth of a soul" can be measured by what external bodies they belonged to, or did not belong to. One can have all the "valid" ordinances performed, and live the letter of Church law, and yet still miss the mark.

[_zeezrom]

Things I wish I had known:

1. It's okay that I was unwilling to be a member missionary during all the situations in which I thought I should have.

2. That heaven is not an exclusive golf club in the sky

3. The Mormon leaders *really aren't any closer to God than the rest of us

4. Most Mormons don't pay tithing on gross income

[_DarkHelmet]

I wish I had known that horses are tapirs. I never would have left. Also, I wish I knew it was perfectly OK for a married 38 year old church leader to proposition teenage girls. If I only ha a testimony of that, I might not have left either.

[_Kishkumen]

Things I wish I had known:

1. It's okay that I was unwilling to be a member missionary during all the situations in which I thought I should have.

2. That heaven is not an exclusive golf club in the sky

3. The Mormon leaders *really aren't any closer to God than the rest of us

4. Most Mormons don't pay tithing on gross income

That's a good list, zee.

[_Mary]

Maybe the church needs to understand people like you better, and accept the fact that you're not "children of a lesser God" (if you believe in God), or untouchables.

Many of these religious and class distinctions and exclusions arise out of what Jesus called "the traditions of men". As I understand it, the first shall be last, and the last first, and "the children of the kingdom" shall be "cast out" if they think that being "Abraham's children" guarantees anything.

33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile. (2 Ne. 26)

I don't think that the "worth of a soul" can be measured by what external bodies they belonged to, or did not belong to. One can have all the "valid" ordinances performed, and live the letter of Church law, and yet still miss the mark.

Amen to that Ray. 100% in agreement.

[_mms]

Most (not all, but most) heading that direction should remember this and remember it well:

You are not different. Your family is not different. Your relationship with your mother is not different. Your relationship with your sister is not different. Your relationship with your father is not different. Not different than the thousands who have tried before you to "explain" how and why they got to where they are. You will not be understood. They will not see your position. Some will cry themselves to sleep over you. Some will be passive aggressive in relation to things Mormon for years to come. Indeed, some will be aggressive with things Mormon for years to come.

Because you and your situation are/is not different, you would be better off pretending to simply be lazy or offended than to be truthful about your non-belief if you want to spare yourself some of what comes with apostasy.

And this one other thing (related to my last point) is true with many Mormons, possibly including your mother and your Bishop: They DO NOT WANT HONESTY AS IT RELATES TO BELIEVING OR NOT BELIEVING UNLESS IT IS THAT YOU BELIEVE. IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE, THEN THEY WANT YOU TO LIE UNTIL YOU BELIEVE (i.e., not all integrity is useful).

Peace to you.

[_son of Ishmael]

Things I wish I had known:

4. Most Mormons don't pay tithing on gross income

I did. Geez what freaking idiot...

[_krose]

I just wish I had known what I now know much earlier, to avoid years wasted in a fruitless pursuit of "testimony" (not to mention all that guilt just from being a normal human).