Would you attend Church if...

[_LDSToronto]

I would attend church if super-hot strippers served me beer and wings while telling me that I am the most desirable man to ever walk the earth. In the background, all my favourite bands would have to be playing live simultaneously, dedicating every song to me and my awesomeness. A big-screen television in the front would broadcast classic Doctor Who, Diff'rent Strokes, Benny Hill, The Kids In The Hall,Monty Python and LooneyToons, in an endless loop.

Finally, for the pleasure of my attendance, the church would pay me a million dollars a minute.

That is the only thing, barring almighty Allah floating down from the sky and turning my crap into solid gold, that would get me back to church.

H.

[_Tchild]

...it was half an hour on a Friday evening followed by an evening out?

If me and my friends had a $500.00 pool to see who could most obviously and blatantly waste a half an hour of our lives during the week...then yes, I would go so that I could win that bet.

[_KevinSim]

...it was two hours, no additional scripture beyond the Bible, no additional doctrines/rules beyond mainstream Christianity and discretionary donations with published accounts?

What does "no additional scripture beyond the Bible" have to do with anything? If you're going to strike the Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants, why keep the Bible?

Same thing with "no additional doctrines/rules beyond mainstream Christianity"; if Mormonism (with its additional doctrines) are a turnoff, why move toward mainstream Christianity?

If I were to leave the LDS Church, I would want a faith that has a chance to actually be inpired by God, and I don't see a Bible-as-sole-scripture, mainstream Christian faith doing that. I would welcome arguments to the contrary.

[_Drifting]

...Monson received a revelation stating that any male with African Negro ancestry could no longer be considered worthy to hold the Priesthood?

...Monson received a revelation stating that all worthy males had to have more than one wife?

KevinSim, what about a response to this one...?

[_KevinSim]

...Monson received a revelation stating that any male with African Negro ancestry could no longer be considered worthy to hold the Priesthood?

...Monson received a revelation stating that all worthy males had to have more than one wife?

I'd be extremely confused, but yes, I'd still attend. What's the alternative for someone conscientiously committed to the long term welfare of humanity?

[_Themis]

What's the alternative for someone conscientiously committed to the long term welfare of humanity?

Given that the church is not true, what specifically is the church doing for the long term welfare of humanity that is unique to it?

[_KevinSim]

Given that the church is not true, what specifically is the church doing for the long term welfare of humanity that is unique to it?

Themis, given that water is poisonous, why do you drink it?

[_Drifting]

...Monson received a revelation stating that any male with African Negro ancestry could no longer be considered worthy to hold the Priesthood?

...Monson received a revelation stating that all worthy males had to have more than one wife?

I'd be extremely confused, but yes, I'd still attend. What's the alternative for someone conscientiously committed to the long term welfare of humanity?

I'm not sure how racism and polygamy are beneficial to the long term welfare of humanity. But fair enough, you are prepared to support both doctrines.

[_Themis]

Given that the church is not true, what specifically is the church doing for the long term welfare of humanity that is unique to it?

Themis, given that water is poisonous, why do you drink it?

I will make it easier for you. You can assume the church is true. Now what is your answer? I suspect you don't have one since people have asked you this many times before. I understand why the church would be best assuming it is true, but the evidence clearly shows it is not.

[_KevinSim]

I will make it easier for you. You can assume the church is true. Now what is your answer? I suspect you don't have one since people have asked you this many times before. I understand why the church would be best assuming it is true, but the evidence clearly shows it is not.

You've answered it yourself. You said you would "make it easier for" me by letting me "assume the church is true," and then you said you "understand why the church would be best assuming it is true." Therefore the LDS Church would be best.

I have given you an answer; your suspicion was unfounded.