Really this is consiced appropriate on a Sunday???? WTF

[_Yong Xi]

My guess is this bishop has heard countless confessions from men in his ward about their porn viewing problems. The men are likely blaming their behavior on their wives not putting out. This little presentation to the women may have been "inspired" as a way of dealing with the priesthood's porn problem. More sex=less porn??

[_why me]

Why do all the woman in the ward need to be told to sleep with their husbands, and if they do why are all of these women so sexually dysfunctional? I doubt you could find in any other church, a parish or congregation in which all of the women were refusing to have sex with their husbands.

Many people have sexual dysfunctions. And certainly women's magazines do not help. Every issue has a sex talk in it. This is not just a Mormon problem. It is general problem. However, when a man is not getting it, he can usually step out and have an affair. Or he goes to a chat room for some spicy talk. But in mormondom, this should not be an option. And it is not all the women in the ward. A ward is a close nit entity. People go to the bishop with all sorts of problems of a spiritual, monetary nature. And certainly if someone has a porn problem, they go to the bishop for spiritual advice. And if a guy is not getting it, he can go to the bishop and relate the tempatations that he is experiencing because of it.

I would hope that a catholic can do the same thing. However, if the priest just says, go to a counselor becaiuse it is not my business, well, to be honest...what good is this priest?

[_why me]

My guess is this bishop has heard countless confessions from men in his ward about their porn viewing problems. The men are likely blaming their behavior on their wives not putting out. This little presentation to the women may have been "inspired" as a way of dealing with the priesthood's porn problem. More sex=less porn??

You could be right. But we also need to remember that this is just one bishop. In exmormondom, if one bishop does it, it is the entire church's fault. It is never localized.

[_zeezrom]

My guess is this bishop has heard countless confessions from men in his ward about their porn viewing problems. The men are likely blaming their behavior on their wives not putting out. This little presentation to the women may have been "inspired" as a way of dealing with the priesthood's porn problem. More sex=less porn??

:(

Maybe the Relief Society pres can visit all the men in a giant meeting and tell them to be more helpful around the house and be better listeners. She should tell them the reason the sisters are reading romance novels and watching period dramas is because you men aren't putting out enough.

ETA: okay, that is a very sucky comparison. I really shouldn't compare helping around the house with sex.

It is quite odd that sex is brought up at church, isn't it? At church?

[_madeleine]

My guess is this bishop has heard countless confessions from men in his ward about their porn viewing problems. The men are likely blaming their behavior on their wives not putting out. This little presentation to the women may have been "inspired" as a way of dealing with the priesthood's porn problem. More sex=less porn??

If so, the response should be for the bishop to encourage the husband to voice his needs to his wife, and in turn, to listen to her with love and caring for her needs. Communication between the couple is what is needed. Not a male authority presuming to lecture women on their bedroom "duties". I can't imagine what he was was thinking. All those women made to feel they are sexually inadequate and need to "step it up". Thers a whole bunch of WTF going on there.

[_Jhall118]

If my wife and I were having problems, I would go to someone trained to deal with sexual issues in a marriage.

Bishops are LOUSY therapists. They are literally as good as randomly selecting someone from a crowd. If you think they give good spiritual guidance- then great, but using them as free sex therapists is utterly ridiculous and probably has something to do with why Mormon marriages fall apart. A little off topic though.

As for "duty sex". I think it's a little sad that I am the first male that kind of "gets it" here and I am a mere 24 years old. Listen up cry me and douchebag (In case your fingers start typing "Ad Hominem" realize that I don't speak Latin, and I am adding a ton of smilies so you know I am just playing around )

When your wife isn't having sex with you, it's usually because <gasp> she doesn't want to! Wow what a stupidly simple answer that should be obvious.

Barring a neurological condition (like a hormone imbalance that is truly being caused by something like a new birth control, disorder, or being over the age of 55 ), this kind of leaves us poor males three choices:

One answer is "Well honey, have sex with me anyways otherwise I am going to get it somewhere else". Let's call this the 20th century and before solution. The one the Bishop proposes.

Another answer is "Well, I guess I better marry multiple wives so that I can spread the discomfort of having sex with my ugly ass over long stretches of time". We will call this the Joseph Smith solution, and pretty much not address it.

Or you could figure out why your wife isn't having sex with you and fix it. This magical door number three.

Are you 40 pounds too heavy? Lose weight fatty. Is she self conscious about her body? Encourage her to work out with you. Buy her stuff to make her look pretty. Brazillian's don't have to be painful. Google sugaring. Does she think you don't care about her? Then show her she is wrong (Assuming she is wrong). Take her out. Buy her stuff. Do fun things together.
Give her massages. And for the love of the imaginary man in the sky, don't get sex advice from a spiritual leader. Unless he also happens to be a sex therapist, which is unlikely.

In case you are unconvinced (I am betting you are), let me attack option number one a little bit. You don't know what it's like to have sex when you don't want it. If you want to know, then spend time in jail, or allow your wife to do you know what with something long and hard that isn't lubricated. It's kind of like that. Kind of just how it works. If a man is having sex with a woman, he wants to be having it. Nobody is surprised that you think it's no big deal.

Not only is "duty sex" uncomfortable for a female (literally, physiologically uncomfortable and not pleasurable), but its also not good emotionally/psychologically and it's not good for your marriage. It's also not good for YOU. There is a difference between sex that only one person wants and sex that both people want.

Finally, if you think that somehow having "duty sex" is going to prevent your husband from wanting to sleep around you are a moron, or you were told that from a male who wants to have sex with you. Putting up with sex isn't going to fix your marriage if you are having problems. Far better advice is to find out what the problem is and fix it, because sex should be a part of any healthy relationship.

[_Chap]

There is a difference between sex that only one person wants and sex that both people want.

For those men who have not yet realized this, pity is appropriate (and for their partners, even more than for them).

The point made by Jhall118 is of course the key to this thread.

[_cafe crema]

Why do all the woman in the ward need to be told to sleep with their husbands, and if they do why are all of these women so sexually dysfunctional? I doubt you could find in any other church, a parish or congregation in which all of the women were refusing to have sex with their husbands.

Many people have sexual dysfunctions. And certainly women's magazines do not help. Every issue has a sex talk in it. This is not just a Mormon problem. It is general problem. However, when a man is not getting it, he can usually step out and have an affair. Or he goes to a chat room for some spicy talk. But in mormondom, this should not be an option. And it is not all the women in the ward. A ward is a close nit entity. People go to the bishop with all sorts of problems of a spiritual, monetary nature. And certainly if someone has a porn problem, they go to the bishop for spiritual advice. And if a guy is not getting it, he can go to the bishop and relate the tempatations that he is experiencing because of it.

I would hope that a catholic can do the same thing. However, if the priest just says, go to a counselor becaiuse it is not my business, well, to be honest...what good is this priest?

As Jihall18 has pointed out no sex is an indication of some other problem within the marriage and that's what needs to be addressed. A priest who tells an individual or couple to seek counseling is not saying "it is not my business" he is doing exactly what the person and more importantly the couple needs. It also doesn't follow that because the priest advised marriage counseling he doesn't provide spiritual counseling along side the marriage counseling.

As to it not being only a Mormon problem, there is no other church where all the women in the group need to be lectured on not putting out for their husbands sooo.....

[_Yong Xi]

My guess is this bishop has heard countless confessions from men in his ward about their porn viewing problems. The men are likely blaming their behavior on their wives not putting out. This little presentation to the women may have been "inspired" as a way of dealing with the priesthood's porn problem. More sex=less porn??

If so, the response should be for the bishop to encourage the husband to voice his needs to his wife, and in turn, to listen to her with love and caring for her needs. Communication between the couple is what is needed. Not a male authority presuming to lecture women on their bedroom "duties". I can't imagine what he was was thinking. All those women made to feel they are sexually inadequate and need to "step it up". Thers a whole bunch of WTF going on there.

Your approach is probably right. However, given the corporate nature of the Church and the fact that church leaders are primarily businessmen, when these types of situations arise, a "business" approach takes over. A church leader is willing to "counsel" a few members that have personal problems. Once the frequency of these problems reaches some sort of numeric threshold, the leader decides to become "efficient". He implements a new program or "policy". The assumed root cause of the problem is dealt with by either "banning" it, or "blaming" someone, in this case, women. No need dealing with a member or couples one on one when the entire problem can be addressed for all in a single meeting.

[_Stormy Waters]

The real problem with the Bishops presentation in my opinion is because of deference that church leaders are given by the membership. Members are taught to obey the counsel of their leaders. If it were just a random guy giving out unsolicited sex advice it would be tacky, but no one would feel obligated to heed his advice. Problem is that it is still just some unqualified random guy giving out sex advice, but because he has the title of bishop some of the women may actually listen to him. They may even feel like it's their obligation to heed his advice. The problem is that he used his ecclesiastical authority to call a meeting and essentially meddled with the sex life of everyone in the ward.