Whole Lot of Love

[_Nightlion]

My wife is Colombian. Her mother passed last week. I sort of knew what to expect but could not be prepared for the reality of it all.
Her family love one another like nothing I am used to. (No, they do not love me that way) This has wrecked my script of life.
I was raised to not expect to be loved. Period. Once I stood up and asserted my faith this script was only validated in spades.
Only one time before in my life was love manifested such that I could not deny it. But then this funeral and all the before and after is simply over the wall in a reality of heart felt love.

Not certain yet how this is going to re-script life for me. I might just forget about it soon enough. It might be what heals me of my wounded soul that cannot believe in the goodness of men. This is why I absolutely had to find God for real. There was no alternative.

What has been added to me if I do not cast if off is the relief that people generally actually do love for real. This I still hardly believe.
You might think me making more of this that what's true. I am sifting it and perhaps it will gel and I will notch up a peg. I have already thought that if and when I get a handle on real love my love of God will get all the more great and my faith will be added upon the same. Wonder what that would be like. Me, normal, knowing what I know.

Sad too that with all the real love potential in the world so little comes to God. IF you love him you should see to it that his will gets done. Sad to have to suffer with Christ in God knowing the same lack of love that should be there but just is not. Seems like the Lord wants one man to understand better what its like for him.

[_sock puppet]

Not certain yet how this is going to re-script life for me. I might just forget about it soon enough. It might be what heals me of my wounded soul that cannot believe in the goodness of men.

Don't allow yourself to forget it, neither sooner nor later.

[_Blixa]

My wife is Colombian. Her mother passed last week. I sort of knew what to expect but could not be prepared for the reality of it all.
Her family love one another like nothing I am used to. (No, they do not love me that way) This has wrecked my script of life.
I was raised to not expect to be loved. Period. Once I stood up and asserted my faith this script was only validated in spades.
Only one time before in my life was love manifested such that I could not deny it. But then this funeral and all the before and after is simply over the wall in a reality of heart felt love.

Not certain yet how this is going to re-script life for me. I might just forget about it soon enough. It might be what heals me of my wounded soul that cannot believe in the goodness of men. This is why I absolutely had to find God for real. There was no alternative.

What has been added to me if I do not cast if off is the relief that people generally actually do love for real. This I still hardly believe.
You might think me making more of this that what's true. I am sifting it and perhaps it will gel and I will notch up a peg. I have already thought that if and when I get a handle on real love my love of God will get all the more great and my faith will be added upon the same. Wonder what that would be like. Me, normal, knowing what I know.

Sad too that with all the real love potential in the world so little comes to God. IF you love him you should see to it that his will gets done. Sad to have to suffer with Christ in God knowing the same lack of love that should be there but just is not. Seems like the Lord wants one man to understand better what its like for him.

I'm sorry for your grief, but yes, when you see the capacity human beings do have for love, it can be mind-blowing. I'm grateful for the genuine love and friendship I've been blessed with.

[_Quasimodo]

My wife is Colombian. Her mother passed last week. I sort of knew what to expect but could not be prepared for the reality of it all.
Her family love one another like nothing I am used to. (No, they do not love me that way) This has wrecked my script of life.
I was raised to not expect to be loved. Period. Once I stood up and asserted my faith this script was only validated in spades.
Only one time before in my life was love manifested such that I could not deny it. But then this funeral and all the before and after is simply over the wall in a reality of heart felt love.

Not certain yet how this is going to re-script life for me. I might just forget about it soon enough. It might be what heals me of my wounded soul that cannot believe in the goodness of men. This is why I absolutely had to find God for real. There was no alternative.

What has been added to me if I do not cast if off is the relief that people generally actually do love for real. This I still hardly believe.
You might think me making more of this that what's true. I am sifting it and perhaps it will gel and I will notch up a peg. I have already thought that if and when I get a handle on real love my love of God will get all the more great and my faith will be added upon the same. Wonder what that would be like. Me, normal, knowing what I know.

Sad too that with all the real love potential in the world so little comes to God. IF you love him you should see to it that his will gets done. Sad to have to suffer with Christ in God knowing the same lack of love that should be there but just is not. Seems like the Lord wants one man to understand better what its like for him.

I'm so sorry for your wife's and your loss, Night. I'm at an age when those things happen often and it never gets easier.

My wife is half Yaqui Indian. Her family is the same. Nothing in life is more important than family bonds. It's very touching to see. Fortunately, I've been accepted as a member. So much so that my elderly mother (very English) is also considered a member of that family. Members of my wife's family often drop in on her to make sure she is OK.

The family I grew up with was always more reserved, but I'm starting to realize that their reserved nature was only an affect of their culture and not an indication of the love they felt.

[_Philidel]

My wife is Colombian. Her mother passed last week. I sort of knew what to expect but could not be prepared for the reality of it all.
Her family love one another like nothing I am used to. (No, they do not love me that way) This has wrecked my script of life.
I was raised to not expect to be loved. Period. Once I stood up and asserted my faith this script was only validated in spades.
Only one time before in my life was love manifested such that I could not deny it. But then this funeral and all the before and after is simply over the wall in a reality of heart felt love.

Not certain yet how this is going to re-script life for me. I might just forget about it soon enough. It might be what heals me of my wounded soul that cannot believe in the goodness of men. This is why I absolutely had to find God for real. There was no alternative.

What has been added to me if I do not cast if off is the relief that people generally actually do love for real. This I still hardly believe.
You might think me making more of this that what's true. I am sifting it and perhaps it will gel and I will notch up a peg. I have already thought that if and when I get a handle on real love my love of God will get all the more great and my faith will be added upon the same. Wonder what that would be like. Me, normal, knowing what I know.

Sad too that with all the real love potential in the world so little comes to God. IF you love him you should see to it that his will gets done. Sad to have to suffer with Christ in God knowing the same lack of love that should be there but just is not. Seems like the Lord wants one man to understand better what its like for him.

I'm sorry for your wife's loss and your loss. I'm also sincerely sorry for the loss of innocence at some vulnerable time of your life that makes it so difficult for you to know and trust the love of others. All of us bear pain in life, but unfortunately it seems that some have a more baffling burden than others.

It's sometimes true that suffering makes us grow, but that doesn't make the suffering easier to bear. I hope the glimpse of existential love you experience as your wife's family pulls together stays with you, flickering, gleaming and, eventually, bursting into flame that burns brightly.

As for your thought that if one loves God, one wants to see that his will is done, I think the problem is less that people don't want to do his will but that too many have the hubris to declare what his will is. Perhaps it makes more sense to focus on bringing what light you may be able to share into others' lives rather than trying to interpret what is fundamentally unknowable, i.e., God's will. Alternatively, if your resources of light are drained, allow yourself to accept the light that others are able to share with you.

I wish you peace in your heart and mind.

[_zeezrom]

Hey NL,

Loving each other is loving God. I think that's what you said and I agree.

Best,

Zee.

[_Nightlion]

Thanks all. It wont be the first lesson learned interminably. I actually had to believe as a young guy that love was my idea. If I did not invent it then it just did not exist. But I was just a kid and kids do not really solve problems or even recognize them. They just find a way to get by.

Love is a humbug and a pretense. It is the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. It is an excuse to sing about made up BS.
When it ought to count it proves only a phantom and a specter of nothing. Looking back on it I see this. Of course I did not live my live as a love scrooge. A little I suppose. I thought I had a lot of love or charity in me but figured it was just my own peculiarity. The world is rather Polly Anna about fake love selling everything from shoes to celebrity.

When a kid I had to find a way to leach off all my friend's moms a little nurture by just standing in there respective kitchens and looking at them until the saw me. I actually did this consistently and they seem to know and were not bothered. I think I did that until I was almost a teenager. Yikes!

After witnessing this abundance of love I felt somewhat relieved that it was real. A world where love is gives life a dimension of greater ease. I packed a ton of weariness thinking the world was as stark and hateful as it came off.....for a long, long time. And this adjustment awakening in me needs to be kept in my awareness like a thorn in my side until I own it somehow better.

I am a witness of the love of God. And if and when anyone gets a glimpse of its reality they will be past amazed and delighted to know that it is so abundant and real. No, Zeez, it is not the love that we love one another by. It is a whole other dimension that comes down from the Eternal Powers of our very origin. And it too will put a soul at ease at last against the anxiety of it ignorance and misunderstanding and false presumptions.

[_just me]

I'm heartbroken for the Nightlion child.

Sorry for your family's loss. Be well.