Democrat And Republican Jokes

[_Ceeboo]

In an effort to lighten things up with my dear and beloved liberal and/or democrat friends, I offer this thread for our collective banter.


How many democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They prefer to walk in the dark.

What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
Elvis has been sighted.

Why are gay Saudis a big dilema for republicans?
Because their gays with oil.

What do you call a republican with a heart?
A cardiac surgeon.


Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Ceeboo]

Ohhhh, I should have added:

The first two are absolute fact.
The second two are just jokes.



Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Wilma Fingerdoo]

An independent was walking on a beach when he came across a girl crying so he asked her what was wrong. She said I was born with no arms and legs and today is my 16th birthday and I never been hugged so he picked her up gave her a hug and continued on his way.

Next a democrat was walking on the same beach and saw the same girl crying. He asked her what was wrong. She replied that she was born with no arms or legs and today was her 16th birthday and she had never been kissed so he picked her up and gave her a kiss and continued on his way.

Finally a republican was walking on the same beach and came across the same girl crying. He asked what was wrong. She told him that she was born with no arms and legs and that today was her 16th birthday and she had never had sex. So the republican picked her up and threw her faaaaar out in the water then he yelled to her "WELL YOUR screwed NOW!"

Republicans....been damned people over since the time of Christ.

[_Wilma Fingerdoo]

Why do republicans love doing laundry?

Because they love separating the whites from the colors.


Why do republicans get defined as the Right?

Because nobody has a single right with them in charge.


Why do Republicans always try to get rid of Hollywood sex scenes?

They don't find them very realistic. It's missing all the yawning and the part where the woman goes in the bathroom to cry.

Why did the republicans kill Jesus?

Because he tried to cross the border.

[_Wilma Fingerdoo]

You might be a republican if.......

1. You ever told your child that Oscar the Grouch lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society.

2. Your a pro-lifer but support the death penalty.

3. You argue that you need to own 300 guns to protect your house.

4. You fax the FBI a list of "commies in my neighborhood"

5. You ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps even if they don't own shoes.

6. You'll spend 20 million guarding a bridge from terrorist attack but won't spend 20 cents to keep it falling them down on its own.

[_Drifting]

How can you tell a politician is lying?
Their lips move...