Mormon Discussions and Covenants

[_sethpayne]

Made my day:

31. And unto my servant Cwald, who hath asked whither Seth Payne is an anti-Christ, or Wayfarer, or Wade Englund,
32. Verily, Seth Payne I know, and Wayfarer I know, but who is Wade Englund?
33. O, wait, is he that locks and keys guy?
34. Good Me almighty;

[_CaliforniaKid]

I particularly liked this bit:

28. For if ye do not repent of your sarcasm and your smart ass attitudes, then shall I cause to be issued a remake of The Shawshank Redemption starring Ryan Seacrest and Lil Wayne, and it shall be written and directed by Michael Bay, and ye all shall have to endure it,
29. And I shall send forth reality shows about people who collect yarn, and McDonalds shall start serving McEscargot, and pundits shall start talking about "the politics of meaning" again, and the halftime show for the SuperBowl shall be the Academy Awards,
30. Yea, and these and other bitter chastisements shall I send unto ye, except ye repent and close thy smart mouth, which thou thinkest is just so funny;

[_Bret Ripley]

15. Behold my servant Bret, I say unto thee: pragmatism,
16. Because it works,
17. And by the power of pragmatism, ye may know the truth of all things;

mfbukowski will be pleased. :)

So am I, but I'm sure I don't know why.

[_ludwigm]

1-3, The Lord can see it in your eyes and can see it in your smile;
...
Amen.

Can The Lord see my pictures?
Which are to smile?

[_Res Ipsa]

Dear Mormon Jesus,

Does it hurt your feelings when The Mighty Builder calls you Bastard Mormon Jesus? Shouldn't you smite him or something?

[_The Mighty Builder]

Dear Mormon Jesus,

Does it hurt your feelings when The Mighty Builder calls you Bastard Mormon Jesus? Shouldn't you smite him or something?

You can't punish me for telling the truth, RIGHT Mormon Bastard Jesus?

[_Uther]

My prayers have been answered. The voice of the Lord is still flowing to his chosen people.
Halleluja! Hosanna! Nod nod, win wink! etc etc.

Ok, now that we have the formalities covered, lets get down to buisiness.

In you many revelations and scriptures given through the Prophet Joseph Smith Jr., you often state that more revelation/information will be given upon the subject later, or that more scripture etc will be found/revealed/translated later..

So I was just wondering if maby now(2013) was later, speaking with 1830-1844 eyes?

And while you are at it, maby you could help clear up a few small misunderstandings concerning the way Joseph Smith Jr. introduced polygamy etc, to help retain membership in the church you founded in 1830?
The church where it took a few years before you made up your mind about its name,, remember that one?

[_CaliforniaKid]

You can't punish me for telling the truth, RIGHT Mormon Bastard Jesus?

Actually, the truth is the most dangerous and forbidden heresy of all.

[_Molok]

Dear Mormon Jesus:

Did you really appear in person to Tobin? And if so, why won't you do that for me?

[_Falcon A]

O Lord, O Dear Lord, O Lordy, Read the words of my post,
I would like to thank thee for the moisture, for the food and the hands that prepared it. It's cold Lord. The weather, not the food.

Please all mighty: why didst thou createth my species to be superior to all others of thy creation when it cometh to pure speed? Damn, falcons are fast! Was it something some bird did in the preexistence?
Thanks for the nictitating membrane. Thou thinkest of everything. Why didst thou taketh away the membrane from man, leaving only a vestige?

Does my avatar maketh me look like unto Joseph Smith, Jr.?

Please bless the commercial apologists in this trying time. That their hearts may be softened to thy gospel.

Falcon Amen.