--To Pepsi Drinker/LDS Prez Thomas Monson: Isn't It About Time? Now That Cola Drinks Are Said to Contain Alcohol, the Prophet Ought to Start Following, Well, the Prophets--
Several years ago, at a Benson family function where Tom Monson was invited, I had a chance to briefly chat with him. I asked him how his health was doing and, surprisingly enough, he told me that his foot was giving him a bad time and that he was a diabetic.
Um, Earth to Tom: Lay off the cola, big guy. Given your decrepit condition, you don't have to be a "prophet of God" to figure that one out.
_____
But Tom can't help himself. You see, he's a cola addict, big-time.
On that fact, here's what was posted on RfM a while ago by "TLC," entitled "I Dated Tom's Daughter Ann." (WARNING: For True-Believing Mormons, this may be hard to swallow):
"Steve [Benson] shared this story from me anonymously but I'm retelling it here; owning it and attaching my name to it and making it real for those who might have had their doubts when Steve told it.
"I started at BYU in the fall of 1972 and in the first couple of months one of the girls I dated was Ann Monson. Absolutely stunningly gorgeous and way out of my league. I asked her out and she said yes and I took her to the Homecoming Ball in the Fall of 1972. Showed up at her dorm to pick her up and I'm pretty sure it was both Thomas and Frances that were there to greet me. They'd both come down to help Ann get ready for the big shindig.
"I walked in and there was Ann looking like a stunning replica of Ann Margaret circa 1965. I will never forget what a vision she was standing there in her spaghetti-strap dress that was for all the world a most blatant violation of BYU dress code. But who was going to argue with her daddy about it, huh?
"Not me. I was into girls with an edge. :-)
"I took Ann to the dance and watched as people's heads swiveled around ala Linda Blair all night long trying to see who this gorgeous bitch was in the immoral ball gown. It was kind of like being with Cinderella only I don't think Ann was wearing a tiara that night. And I kind of don't think that squirrels and birds dressed her either. Could be though - strange stuff goes on at BYU.
"Ann was and probably still is, a gorgeous woman. Why she invested any time with me I'll never understand, but it's widely known that us gay boys in hiding can be quite appealing to the ladies. Suck it up straight boys and get over it. You may have my spoils if you wish.
"Homecoming was followed by General Conference or vice-versa. Ann showed me around temple square and the underground tunnels and then we sat in those big cushy chairs in the tabernacle behind the big kahunas during a couple of sessions of conference and ate with the Mormon giants in a special dining room somewhere there on Piazza Tempio. I was having lots of fun and Ann was was at least pretending to be into me and stuff. Can you imagine if I had just not chosen to be gay I might be Mormon royalty right now???
"Yeh, like that was ever gonna happen.
"On another visit to Salt Lake Ann took me to her home in one of the privileged hillside neighborhoods. On the way out the back door to show me the gardens we passed a long stack of Pepsi crates full of empty Pepsi bottles. Ann pointed at them as we were going out the door and with a laugh said, 'Dad's nasty little habit.'
"Now you gotta put this in context of the early '70s when most Mormons were still laboring under the weight of the urban legend that said the Coke and Pepsi were 'against the word of wisdom.' (If Mormons stopped drinking Coke today the company would go out of business.) I thought about Ann's words: 'Dad's nasty little habit' and decided right then and there that it was OK for me to masturbate more and be a little gayer than I'd ever been before. If Tom Monson could have his nasty little habits then surely it was OK for me to have mine.
"I mean no disrespect towards Ann in telling this story. I'm justifiably angry at her daddy for declaring war on me and my community, but Ann isn't her dad and who knows, she might actually disagree with what he did as well. All I can tell you is that back then she was beautiful, she was extremely intelligent and aware and that dating her was a lot of fun. All these years I have secretly gloated about the fact that I'm probably one of the few guys ever, if not the only one, in BYU's history that's taken a girl to Homecoming who was wearing a revealing spaghetti-strap dress. Somehow there's just some really wonderful irony in that. . . . "
(posted by "TLC," 18 November 2008)
*****
Below is further, damning evidence that Tom Monson plays fast and loose with the Mormon God's revealed word, ignoring the inspired counsel of modern-day LDS prophets and instead living by his own retrobate rules:
"'Drinking Soda (cola)'
by W. John Walsh
"While it is not a technical violation of the Word of Wisdom, Latter-day Saints are encouraged by Church leaders to avoid caffeinated drinks. It is believed that caffeine in large quantities, such as found in caffeinated soft drinks, is not good for the body and therefore violates the spirit of the Word of Wisdom.
"While many Latter-day Saints drink decaffeinated cola drinks, some people have suggested that we should avoid the empty calories of those beverages in favor of something more nutritious. It is well established that many people are overweight and yet also do not receive enough nutrition in their diets. The popularity of cola beverages has been linked to both problems in recent studies (See CNN Report on 2/15/01) Counsel from Church leaders on this subject is as follows:
"President Spencer W. Kimball taught:
'Generally when we speak of the Word of Wisdom, we are talking about tea, coffee, tobacco, and liquor, and all of the fringe things even though they might be detrimental are not included in the technical interpretation of the Word of Wisdom. I never drink any of the cola drinks and my personal hope would be that no one would. However, they are not included in the Word of Wisdom in its technical application. I quote from a letter from the secretary to the First Presidency, "But the spirit of the Word of Wisdom would be violated by the drinking or eating of anything that contained a habit-forming drug." With reference to the cola drinks, the Church has never officially taken any attitude on this at but I personally do not put them in the class as with the tea and coffee because the Lord specifically mentioned them [the hot drinks]. I might say also that strychnine and sleeping pills and opium and heroin are not mentioned in the Word of Wisdom and yet I would discourage them with all my power.' ("The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball," p. 202)
"President Heber J. Grant taught:
'I am not going to give any command, but I will ask it as a personal, individual favor to me, to let coca-cola alone. There are plenty of other things you can get at the soda fountains without drinking that which is injurious. The Lord does not want you to use any drug that creates an appetite for itself.' ("Conference Report," April 1922, p. 165)
"Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught:
'. . . [T]here are many other substances which have a harmful effect on the human body, though such particular things are not specifically prohibited by the Word of Wisdom. Certainly the partaking of cola drinks, though not included within the measuring standard here set out, is in violation of the spirit of the Word of Wisdom. Harmful drugs of any sort are in a like category.' ("Mormon Doctrine,} p. 845)
"Bishop Vaughn J. Featherstone taught:
'Speaking of those who rationalize the Church's stand on cola drinks, Bishop Featherstone said, "We can find loopholes in a lot of things if we want to bend the rules of the Church."' ("The Church News," Conference Issues 1970-1987, p. 9)
"Elder Samuel O. Bennion taught:
'I heard President Grant say, recently, that he would consider it a favor to him, if men and women would abstain from the use of tea and coffee, tobacco, liquor, and coca-cola; that they would have power given them to establish themselves in the faith, and save themselves from debt, sickness, and disease. And he read from the revelations, that the destroying angel would pass them by; and he is a prophet of God.' ("Conference Report," April 1922, p. 140)
"Elder John A. Widtsoe taught:
'Whenever a drink is advertised to "give you a lift," the "lift" is likely to be caused by the drug which it contains. Such soft drinks are decidedly harmful and habit-forming, even though sold by the millions. Such caffeine-containing drinks, offered by every soda fountain and most eating places, and consumed in large quantities, should be known and avoided.' ("The Word of Wisdom: A Modern Interpretation," p. 97)
"Elder Mark E. Peterson taught:
'And then there are some soft drinks which contain harmful or habit-forming ingredients. The leaders of the Church have not attempted to add to the list of prohibitions in the Word of Wisdom to include all such items, but they teach that in the spirit of the Word of Wisdom, if not in the letter, we should avoid anything which contains ingredients which are harmful and habit forming.' ("A Word of Wisdom," p. 15)
("Drinking Soda (cola)," by W. John Walsh)
*****
Tom Monson, you are living, cola-bloated boozin' proof that in the last days, even the very elect shall be deceived.
Here's Tom's out, however: Coca Cola denies its cola contains alcohol.
("Revealed: Coca Cola Contains Alcohol," at:
http://www.bhatkallys.org/index.php?opt ... Itemid=463 versus "Coca-Cola Denies Rumours It Contains Alcohol," at:
http://www.thenational.ae/featured-cont ... ns-alcohol)
So, who ya gonna believe?
Where's a real prophet when you need one?
Or, as Coke would put it, "the real thing"?
:)