I am she. She is me.

[Kukulkan]

I think it has something to do with the larger the church, the more impersonal it gets to be or the more diluted or complicated the ability to form relationships gets to be. (Nice sentence, Jersey Girl. ) Also, the larger the church, the more need for organizational controls, expanded infrastructure, people to head up growing ministries, etc. That and the fact that when some folks get their first sniff of perceived power and authority, they can get weird and arrogant, wanting to throw their perceived weight around before they've even gotten their feet wet in a position. Why is there not team and communications training for lay persons? Don't get me started.

First off thank you for your thoughtful reply! I agree with your assessment, especially regarding people who develop a weird relationship with power. It always appalled me seeing the petty fights that would happen between those with 'power'. I was always under the impression that these people were given 'power' in the church as a gift and blessing from God. Seeing them mismanage it so glaringly bad alarmed me to no end.

That thing about the building fund. It started off just fine, people were excited that we were growing, and then it got crazy. That summer, two people who I didn't even know (again the impersonal relationships piece) showed up at my house with no appointment (I detest door knockers and this was my own church doing it) while I was shampooing carpets (house is a wreck, carpeting is soggy, I am a wreck--get out of my face!) and when I invited them in to talk they said they were looking to increase donations for the building fund. I told them that I had already contributed and that I was a teacher and didn't get paid during summer (and if they knew me they'd already know that but--bigger church), then they asked me if my husband could donate. Listen. My husband was not a member of the church and there was no way I was going to hit him up for building funds. My level of trust flew right out the window that day. Strangers in my house asking for money for "our" church. What?

Tithing settlement was always a time that I absolutely dreaded. That dread of tithing settlement began when my Bishop in one of the wards I lived in accused me of lying on my tithing settlement when I had declared a full tithe for the year. I literally sat with my mouth agape for what felt like minutes at his accusation. He demanded I pay what was owed to God and even threatened temple recommend status if I didn't. It was an awful experience. I truly empathize and sympathize with the greediness you were subjected to.

My former church, the new building looks fantastic. I've been in it once and flipping hated it. I also hated the Christmas service they did. I much prefer the smaller church where people build relationships over time, come to trust and know each other, and therefore don't mind sharing when they are in need so others can help them. In a larger church, I think you lose that intimacy. I don't know how to achieve fellowship without that kind of intimacy, that knowing and trusting each other. Aren't we supposed to connect with each other? The whole Mega Church thing goes against my grain, not that my old church is Mega but I would say Mc Mega at least.

Being from the south I have had my fair share of experiencing the Mega Church ordeal. I took piano lessons from a Baptist woman when I was young that was held in a Mega Church. I remember being late for my first lesson because we couldn't find the damn room because the church was so damn big! Part of being spiritual for me is being spiritually vulnerable, meaning I feel comfortable enough to share personal stories and experiences. Being in a church where I didn't know everyone well was super uncomfortable and didn't allow me to fully stretch out spiritually.

I am sure that each of us has our own ideas about what a church should be. My idea of what a church should be is just what I described in the above paragraph and not only that, I think the outreach should be directly to the community that one lives in and I don't mean witnessing, I mean service to others and not just church members. I don't know...I'm not good at or interested in a whole lot of things. Service to others is the absolute top of my list and since I left my church I think I've been able to concentrate on or find more opportunities to respond to human needs than I ever had in church.

Absolutely. It always felt wrong to me that our service efforts were primarily concentrated on members of the congregation. Through work and friends I was always aware of non-Mormons who needed help or would welcome service but were 'unavailable' to it simply because they weren't church members. It was such a mental twist learning about the story of the Good Samaritan in Sunday school only to turn around and only offer service and compassion to those like me.

I swear I could write a book on this. I'll spare you the rough draft!

If you write it, I'll read it!

And then there is the nature piece for me. I never feel more spiritually connected to God than when I am in the out of doors, in nature. And where I live I can have that every day (no human sounds) of my life. Nature is a transcendent experience for me. Isn't that what God believers strive for and benefit from?

Again. The book.

This one is most egregious to me. Just think of our ancestors from hundreds and even thousands of years ago who lived, breathed, and died in nature. We are so coddled and sheltered in the lives we live now. Nature literally was their religion. The rain that watered their crops and doused the forest fires, the wind that blew a cool breeze on a hot day, or the thunder and lightning that reminded them of how small they were. I must have gotten the 'nature' gene because for me spirituality and nature are irremovable from one another. It is where I feel peace and clarity. I am fortunate enough to live in a part of the country where the outdoors are readily available and removed from the human hustle that is our society today.