Doctor CamNC4Me wrote:Res Ipsa wrote:The answer to Chap's WTF is this: The mother fought for custody for something like two and a half years. The reality was that she could not manage the children. The husband kept the oldest son with him in defiance of court orders for something like a year and a half. At some point, Ron agreed to return the son within 60 days. He didn't. The court had to order that the son be picked up and delivered to his mother. Sometime later, an altercation occurred between the oldest son and his mother that resulted in her calling the police. Ron says she called the police repeatedly. The middle son told his therapist that he acts out with his mother so that she will let him live with his father. She had no control over the daughter, who would leave the house and simply not come back.
The reality was that, for whatever reason, she could not manage those children. I think her attorney understood that, but it took her time to accept the reality of the situation.
This also gets really expensive really quick. Who knows what her family's finances were like in order to fight a protracted legal dispute.
When I fought for custody, between lawyers and guardian ad litems, I passed $20k pretty quickly. I think I spent around $30k total to get my kids back. I can't imagine adding kids who would f*** with me into the mix. I'd quit, too.
- Doc
Yup.
Feeling thankful my ex didn't have much influence over the kids' minds. He sure tried. Fortunately, there were qualified professionals involved and by speaking the truth and supporting the kids in being with their dad whenever they wanted, things worked out in their best interests. Plus, my kids are mad smart and fantastic critical thinkers (if I do say so myself). I have no idea what would have happened to them if my ex had been more powerful emotionally and intellectually than me. It takes a lot of stamina to make it through this stuff. I finally made the decision to protect my family from what remained of my ex's tactics (which I felt would have done severe, permanent and irreparable damage to myself and the kids) by letting him get away with a lot more money than a court likely would have allowed.
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that I barely scraped by and I tend to think (admittedly pridefully) that I have a lot of personal capacity to deal with stress and find creative solutions to problems. I wouldn't look down on myself if I had failed to have what it took to beat my ex's tactics with the children. Making it through was rough. I can't look down on Karren's ex for finally giving in after a lot of hell. Maybe she's a wreck. But maybe she's a hero for what she did and tried to do.