Problematic John Dehlin, a short list

[Lem]

....you’ve chosen your path and it’s a high profile one with a lot of responsibility to those you coach and to those who are associated with you because of the broader communities you represent, whether or not that’s fair is irrelevant. You operate within that context, and it’s not necessarily enemies and ‘damaged’ people who call you out on your crap. They can just be people, all of them....

This is a significant point. Reading D's letter linked above, this just had my eyes rolling.

Many people want to destroy me and Mormon Stories.

This includes both Mormon apologists who hate that I challenge the church, and some exmormons who are either jealous, or envious, or competitive in the social media world. Or who hate me for being what I am. Sometimes it's for being a man. Sometimes it's for being successful. Sometimes it's just because exmormons can be sad and broken people. Honestly, leaving a cult can be devastating.

Sometimes it's for mistakes I make in their eyes.

The last sentence finally says something on its way to realism, but it was ruined by the qualification "in THEIR eyes." It's as though anyone who has a negative opinion about his behavior has that opinion only because they dislike him. There seems to be no understanding that a person could legitimately have an opinion about his behavior that is just based on his behavior.

[Kishkumen]

I don’t think it matters whether the gripes are legit or not. Learn what causes headaches and avoid those things.

[The Stig]

Good grief, Johnny has "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms"-syndrome. I get that the last year or so might instill some of that, but at some point you have to stop shooting yourself in the foot, too. A 7-page letter? Really?

Here's how the apology should have gone - "I am so sorry I did anything to make you uncomfortable. That was not my intent and I will definitely be more careful in the future."

That's it. No more. Just that.

You have enough outside sources of drama in your life, John. Stop creating more.

[Kishkumen]

Also, just because a lady poses like she’s in your Sears catalog does not mean she is looking for you to signal your approval of her appearance.

[Meadowchik]

How does one pay enough attention to when someone unlikes and then relikes something?

How does this person know John liked her photos, then didn't like them...and then reliked them? Is that tracked somewhere?

To answer your question from a general point of view.

I would say that some social media attention stands out enough to be remembered, even moreso when it comes from a public figure.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

So a woman posts sexy pics of herself on Facebook and is offended that a man likes them?

Do I have that right?

Also, just because a lady poses like she’s in your Sears catalog does not mean she is looking for you to signal your approval of her appearance.

I think that’s a good take for Consig’s question. A dude can see a bikini picture and be all like inside his dome, but once he ’s that picture he’s sending a message and he can’t control how it’s received. The woman may be all , but some observer might be all and that’s the unintended consequence of that . JD may feel like he ought to have the freedom to a married woman’s bikini picture, but that’s incredibly dumb and by extension irresponsible because it limits opportunities once his trustworthiness is questioned. You’d think a man who does life coaching for a living, is a purported women’s advocate, and is in possession of a PhD, which accounts for something, would understand this. Crazy how he keeps touching that stove top burner.

- Doc

[Kishkumen]

I think that’s a good take for Consig’s question. A dude can see a bikini picture and be all like inside his dome, but once he ’s that picture he’s sending a message and he can’t control how it’s received. The woman may be all , but some observer might be all and that’s the unintended consequence of that . John Dehlin may feel like he ought to have the freedom to a married woman’s bikini picture, but that’s incredibly dumb and by extension irresponsible because it limits opportunities once his trustworthiness is questioned. You’d think a man who does life coaching for a living, is a purported women’s advocate, and is in possession of a PhD, which accounts for something, would understand this. Crazy how he keeps touching that stove top burner.

- Doc

Yeah. I don't really get why it is he keeps doing that. If I knew that some people out there would inevitably go mental over something like that, I would just avoid that nonsense altogether. It's like Mopologists and ex-Mos. The Mopologists represent the organization that has something to lose, but they are alway blaming ex-Mos for not behaving themselves and then making up some ex-Mo organization to fill that role of "why would you make all ex-Mos look bad by not behaving in a way that is above reproach?" But that is stupid.

So what do we see John doing? "Oh, you must be in league with the LDS Church if you are criticizing me in this way. You must want to destroy Mormon Stories."

Just like those desperate Mopologists, he has to blame the LDS Church, Mopologists, extremist crazies and the like.

But, here's the thing: It's your brand at stake, John. Ultimately you need to protect your own brand, because, yes, lots of people will be gunning for it.

[Meadowchik]

I don’t think it matters whether the gripes are legit or not. Learn what causes headaches and avoid those things.

I did do the teen test, told my very un-Mormon 18yo the situation:

Couples friends. Man likes batches of sexy posts, more than once including unliking and re-liking.

Her own evaluation: "he's trying to send a message."

I think it's safe to say that such etiquette is off, generally.

[Kishkumen]

Go check out all those people who gun after Rick Steves, that milquetoast dude who presents like the Mr. Rogers of travel. You might imagine there would be nothing there to dish about, but there always is something, either true or made up. Doesn't matter. Lots of people said stupid crap about Mr. Rogers.

People who make themselves into public figures have to know they can't win here.

[Kishkumen]

I did do the teen test, told my very un-Mormon 18yo the situation:

Couples friends. Man likes batches of sexy posts, more than once including unliking and re-liking.

Her own evaluation: "he's trying to send a message."

I think it's safe to say that such etiquette is off, generally.

That's an important datum in two respects.

#1: John Dehlin is not 18.

#2: John Dehlin needs to cultivate an ideal 18-yo's sensibilities about what to do and not do on the internet.