Calling Thayne, Can I Help With NOM?

[_Amore]

Red Ryder,
You are one of the NOM posters I've copied to read when I need to feel encouragement. You were discussing about negotiating with your wife about what to teach your kids. You and others had good ideas I've taken to heart. Thanks. I really hope you guys stick around here or the Celestial section - or wherever you feel comfortable on this forum.

[_Res Ipsa]

I'm with Doctor on this. Great story Lemmie and you are a great mom.

Yeah, what the Tator said.

[_2bizE]

I would just like to have my community back. A lot of my friends ended up here but a lot did not, probably some of the ones who need NOM the most. Also, I think NOM is a better place for people in faith transition. They are better able to find support there and express their concerns and issues without being pounced on by over eager debaters. NOM is more about how to live with still-believing loved ones after your beliefs have changed, for whatever reason. It's also a place to blow off a little steam when those people aren't so sympathetic to those of us who feel the need to graduate from our former mindset in one way or another.

Thanks Hagoth - well said.

I agree. I am a NOM because I am stuck between belief and culture. NOM was a place to vent and to listen. NOM was like sitting out on the front porch drinking lemonade with your friends and having a good evening enjoying each other's company. It is more about the people than the place. I don't have anyone else I can have these hard conversations with. Thank you my NOM friends.

[_Lemmie]

I'm with Doctor on this. Great story Lemmie and you are a great mom.

Yeah, what the Tator said.

Thanks, Res Ipsa!

[_candygal]

Lemmie, how long were you married? Was the divorce mainly due to church differences?

I'm curiously interested in the divorce stories. We started marriage therapy recently and I'm finding the process to be slow, confusing, and have determined there isn't a guaranteed outcome. I'm ok with the ambiguity, but the emotions of humanity make it exhausting. All of this turmoil because I stopped believing Joseph Smith was a prophet. Weird, eh?

separated after 7 years, not so much church differences as the specific behavior that came out of those differences. the beginning of the end occurred when we were visiting my parents, and my spouse went to high priest meeting with my father, where he described himself as a rocket moving through space with a goal, and me as the satellite going around him. He then asked, what do you do when you can't control your satellite(!!!!!!!) and it is taking off on its own in directions that don't support the path of your rocket?

My father told this to my mother, and my mother told me, and neither of them seemed to have a problem with it. That shook me to my core, and as I looked at my mother's life, an exceptionally intelligent and talented woman who gave up everything because she accepted the church's position that she was the wrong gender to succeed in those areas, I was horrified to realize I was on that same path. Not only that, but I now had a baby daughter who would likely follow the same path if I did not make a change.

Fast forward many decades, to a point after an incredibly painful and financially devastating divorce, years of shunning by my family due to leaving the church, and many, many, MANY years of therapy to undo the brainwashing. I now have a daughter in Vet school who would laugh if a Mormon told her what is expected of women, and two teenage sons who've grown up with a mother who worked their entire lifetimes and is a Professor at an Ivy League school. My boys are interested in cute girls, BUT!! they also only like girls who are smart and have ambition; they also assume these girls are equals, in every possible way. Why? Because that's what they are used to, and that's what they see as completely normal.

I've completely changed the path of these three children who are the end result of multiple generations of Mormons, and I consider that to be the single greatest accomplishment of my life.

I so admire you.

[_Ozymandias]

No more NOM? That's sad. That was my other go-to board and where I spent years lurking, reading some great posts from lots of people going through the same things I was.

[_Lemmie]

Lemmie, how long were you married? Was the divorce mainly due to church differences?

I'm curiously interested in the divorce stories. We started marriage therapy recently and I'm finding the process to be slow, confusing, and have determined there isn't a guaranteed outcome. I'm ok with the ambiguity, but the emotions of humanity make it exhausting. All of this turmoil because I stopped believing Joseph Smith was a prophet. Weird, eh?

separated after 7 years, not so much church differences as the specific behavior that came out of those differences. the beginning of the end occurred when we were visiting my parents, and my spouse went to high priest meeting with my father, where he described himself as a rocket moving through space with a goal, and me as the satellite going around him. He then asked, what do you do when you can't control your satellite(!!!!!!!) and it is taking off on its own in directions that don't support the path of your rocket?

My father told this to my mother, and my mother told me, and neither of them seemed to have a problem with it. That shook me to my core, and as I looked at my mother's life, an exceptionally intelligent and talented woman who gave up everything because she accepted the church's position that she was the wrong gender to succeed in those areas, I was horrified to realize I was on that same path. Not only that, but I now had a baby daughter who would likely follow the same path if I did not make a change.

Fast forward many decades, to a point after an incredibly painful and financially devastating divorce, years of shunning by my family due to leaving the church, and many, many, MANY years of therapy to undo the brainwashing. I now have a daughter in Vet school who would laugh if a Mormon told her what is expected of women, and two teenage sons who've grown up with a mother who worked their entire lifetimes and is a Professor at an Ivy League school. My boys are interested in cute girls, BUT!! they also only like girls who are smart and have ambition; they also assume these girls are equals, in every possible way. Why? Because that's what they are used to, and that's what they see as completely normal.

I've completely changed the path of these three children who are the end result of multiple generations of Mormons, and I consider that to be the single greatest accomplishment of my life.

I so admire you.

Thank you my dear, that is very kind. From what I've read, there is quite a bit to admire about you as well!!! welcome, and I hope you are enjoying your time here so far.

[_alas]

As far as sticking around here, I think I am past any desire to debate church doctrine or history. I was still on NOM too keep me from going too far into anger at the church, because me being angry at the church doesn't help my marriage. Also to support others and get support myself if I still found myself needing to vent about how the church has hurt my daughter and her *wife*. Or just reading from our gay members often was all the support I needed. After looking over the board here, I honestly don't think I have enough interest. The only reason I found to stick around here was for the rumors and news about what the church is up to and the latest things that have been leaked. But, even with the leaked videos I wasn't interested enough to go watch them, even if I had the time which right now I don't. I think I am just about through with my issues with the church, learned all I care to about the history, learned what my own beliefs and feeling are, and if not NOM, then I think I will just move on from the church. Most of my closest NOM friends already decided to "graduate" to being post Mormon and maybe it is time for me to decide to do the same.

As for mentalgymnastics and his attitude that NOMs might be too sensitive for the debate here, I am not too sensitive, just not interested.

But if NOM can be fixed or start a new forum, then I would go back there.

[_Hagoth]

[quote="grindael"][quote="Red Ryder"]

I think NOMs get a bad wrap from the traditional label that implies seeking the middle way. Healthy discussions with banter lift everyone and make discussion boards more lively. Thanks for the Welcome![/quote]

What I have a problem with is Apologists that hide behind the NOM label. They are nothing like you. You are a breath of fresh air. I don't think you'll have any problems here. I sure hope you stick around.[/quote]
Same here. They usually came across as wolves in sheep's clothing on the NOM board.

[_moksha]

NOM is more about how to live with still-believing loved ones after your beliefs have changed, for whatever reason.

As well as a chance to explore our own Mormonism away from the scripted lessons at Church and the censorious inclinations of TBMs and ban riddled boards. I suspect that even for those members assigned by the Church to monitor internet activities regarding the Church, NOM had its moments of guilty pleasure.