A Bit Of History

[_Ceeboo]

I went to a zoo the other day, they only had one dog there. It was a shitzu.

[_Some Schmo]

After the tortoise and the hare had their famous race, all the rabbits were pissed and declared war on the tortoises. They threw everything they had at them, but because of their shells, the ranks of the tortoises would not brake.

Eventually, the rabbits fell back, discouraged and defeated.

To this day, the tortoises still talk about the great retreating hare line.

[_Bret Ripley]

(Aside: I can't believe no-one has registered thepuntedforest.com -- things like that make me think the human race is just mailing it in.)

[_Ceeboo]

I went to a zoo the other day, they only had one dog there. It was a s-h-i-t-z-u

[_Bret Ripley]

I went to a zoo the other day, they only had one dog there. It was a s-h-i-t-z-u

G-o t-o a b-e-t-t-e-r z-o-o.

[_Bret Ripley]

Another oldie: a man announces to an incredulous crowd that his dog can talk, and by way of demonstration he says: "Spot! Tell the people what structure covers a building."

Spot immediately replies: "Roof! Roof!"

"And now," the man continues, "tell them what sandpaper feels like."

"Ruff! Ruff!"

For the grand finale, the man says: "Spot! Who is the best baseball player in history?"

"Ruth! Ruth!"

But to the man's great disappointment the crowd is unimpressed and drifts away. Spot looks up at the man and says, "DiMaggio?"

[_Ceeboo]

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards!

[_Ceeboo]

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles, my next bowel movement could spell disaster.

[_Ceeboo]

What do you call someone who does drugs too much? Addicted.
What do you call someone who drinks too much? Addicted.
What hit you in the face last night? Addicted.

[_Ceeboo]

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer; I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.