Straight Woman, Gay Man, marriage works with weekly sex feedback sessions

[IHAQ]

A mum has told how she keeps her marriage to her gay husband on track through weekly sex feedback sessions.

Brynn Embley, 35, describes herself as straight while her husband Matthew Nielson identifies as gay or pansexual and is "more attracted to men than women".

Nielson, 33, dated men and women before he committed to Embley - but had never had sex with anyone - including her - before they tied the knot. They now have two daughters, Guinevere, one, and two-year-old Amandine.

"We enjoyed kissing, and hoped everything else would at least be okay," Embley, who lives in Ypsilanti, Michigan, said, adding: "I think that many more people are gay, bi, pan, or other, than have made that known openly."

https://www.her.ie/family/straight-woma ... ack-570370
I think most married couples hope the sex will be “at least okay”.

The couple are members of the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter-Day Saints - a faith that doesn't condone same-sex relationships. Nielson admits a strong motivation for dating women was so he didn't have to be single and celibate forever.

"Obviously, not a great place for me or most of the women that I was dating," he said.

Yeah, not a great place.

While Embley sometimes feels insecure about their connection, she says the relationship is stronger because it's not reliant on physical chemistry.

I’m confused, if the relationship is stronger than a marriage where there is a physical attraction, why the insecurity?

To keep the union on track, the couple attends therapy, and every Thursday they discuss their sex life, offering feedback and tips.

"We share whether we need more if there’s anything the other can do to help make that a better part of our marriage, and so forth," Embley explains.

A sort of weekly sex appraisal then…

I feel very sorry for them having to live such a clinical, unauthentic life because he simply doesn’t want to be celibate and because she hasn’t found a man that was physically attracted to her. I hope for everyone’s sake they don’t have kids.

The Church is not a healthy place for gay people.

[Dr. Shades]

I hope for everyone’s sake they don’t have kids.

Nielson, 33, dated men and women before he committed to Embley - but had never had sex with anyone - including her - before they tied the knot. They now have two daughters, Guinevere, one, and two-year-old Amandine.

[Kishkumen]

Whatever they choose to do! I think they have chosen a hard road, and I am skeptical about it working in the long run. But, they are consenting adults knowingly doing this thing.

[IHAQ]

I hope for everyone’s sake they don’t have kids.

Nielson, 33, dated men and women before he committed to Embley - but had never had sex with anyone - including her - before they tied the knot. They now have two daughters, Guinevere, one, and two-year-old Amandine.

I missed that. Thanks. Unfortunately I don’t think this situation ends happily ever after. Does it ever?

If there isn’t a physical attraction, how does…well…how does he get it up? (Apologies for the crudeness of how I’ve phrased that).

[drumdude]

Following in the steps of the prophet Joseph Smith himself. Can you imagine how hard it was for Joseph to have sexual relations with so many young women who weren’t his wife Emma?

They will all be blessed by God for their faith.

[Res Ipsa]

I missed that. Thanks. Unfortunately I don’t think this situation ends happily ever after. Does it ever?

If there isn’t a physical attraction, how does…well…how does he get it up? (Apologies for the crudeness of how I’ve phrased that).

Maybe because physical attraction is not an on/off switch and because sexual orientation is not strictly binary. Listen to how they describe their relationship:

Matthew Nielson identifies as gay or pansexual and is "more attracted to men than women".

Pansexual does not mean not attracted to women. And 'more attracted to men" doesn't mean "not attracted to women."

The husband said:

"I’ve heard gay men say that they can’t even imagine trying to be sexual with a woman, and I have never felt that way."

He also said: ""We do enjoy having sex and being together in that way, which is a relief!"

She said:

"For a while, I would get stressed out if we weren’t having sex a certain number of times each week because I thought it meant that Matthew wasn’t enjoying it enough," Embley said.

"That’s not the case, and I try to remember that if we both feel satisfied sexually that’s all that matters."

She also said

While a lot of Embley's previous relationships "revolved around that chemical attraction", she said, not having that as the focus was "refreshing".

"I think that liking and matching with a person is so much more central to a long-term relationship.

If you're talking long-term relationship, I find it hard to disagree with that last sentence.

So, the answer to your getting it up question is that he is sexually attracted to women and, more importantly, his wife.

I agree with Kish -- this is a hard relationship and I think they're facing tough odds. But it's their relationship, and they seem to want to make it work. I wish them the best.

[IHAQ]

I wonder who they are trying to convince by putting this story out?

[Res Ipsa]

I wonder who they are trying to convince by putting this story out?

Which "they"?

[IHAQ]

I wonder who they are trying to convince by putting this story out?

Which "they"?

Sorry, I’m just wondering why the couple have chosen now (4/5 years into their relationship) to come out and publicly justify their marriage.

[Res Ipsa]

Which "they"?

Sorry, I’m just wondering why the couple have chosen now (4/5 years into their relationship) to come out and publicly justify their marriage.

The article is written on the "her" website by some guy whose profile includes no information. His other articles are on a variety of topics that don't have the LDS church as a theme. If they sought to "come out" publicly, how is it they found an an anonymous writer on an obscure website? I suspect the author somehow learned of the couple and thought it would make an interesting story. I don't interpret the article as an effort on their part to "justify" their marriage. Typically, the author sets the editorial slant through the questions they choose to ask.