The Borowitz Report

[Nomomo]

The Borowitz Report
Voices in Marjorie Taylor Greene's Head Desperate to Escape
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/voices ... or-greenes



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what appears to be a major revolt, several voices in Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s head said on Friday that they are “desperate” to escape.

Voices have long complained about the overcrowded conditions in Greene’s head, but her contention this week that the government can control the weather has sent many looking for the exit.

One voice, who calls itself the voice of reason, said that it is outnumbered by “a million to one” in the Georgian’s cranium.

“It’s basically a 24/7 QAnon hootenanny up here,” the voice said. “A lot of these voices are total morons. You could have a smarter conversation with RFK Jr.’s worm.”

[Nomomo]

Trump’s Chinese Bibles Taking Jobs away from American Bibles



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—News that Donald J. Trump’s $60 Bibles were printed in China has infuriated American Bibles, who on Wednesday accused the foreign-made Holy Books of stealing jobs from them.

In a brief statement, the American Bibles wrote, “China is beating us at Bibles. Chinese Bibles are laughing at us. They’re laughing at us.”

“China is sending Bibles over here in the millions,” the statement continued. “When was the last time you saw an American Bible in a Chinese motel room? We’re not winning at Bibles.”

“When China sends us their Bibles, they’re not sending their best,” the statement claimed. “Their Bibles are full of crime. And rapists. And, we assume, some good people.”

The bombshell about the Trump Bible has brought closer scrutiny to some of its content, such as a Lee Greenwood song called “I’m Proud to be a Manchurian.”

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

^ this is totally sane

[Everybody Wang Chung]

^ this is totally sane

It's like the day at the nursing home when they let the residents put their own makeup on.

[drumdude]

^ this is totally sane

Good lord is that real or a photoshop??