Why A Morbidly Obsese Mopologist Is Losing Sleep Over A Friend's Latte

[Everybody Wang Chung]

You really can't script this level of absurdity. Over in a tiny, irrelevant corner of the internet that is populated by less than 10 gullible followers, the Proprietor writes a post about visiting a burger joint, only to immediately pivot into a full-blown rant about keeping the Word of Wisdom and avoiding the evils of coffee.

The sheer irony is delicious. Someone who has spent a lifetime devoutly worshipping at the altar of greasy bacon cheeseburgers, orange Fanta and beef pizza is now weeping tears of spiritual concern over a friend’s mug of coffee. Preaching dietary discipline while treating the Word of Wisdom as a coffee-only clause misses the larger point of moderation altogether.

You really can't make this stuff up.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

And it is pleasing unto me that [all kinds of meat] should not be [eaten], only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.



And since we’re talking about the WoW, we’re good to make wine by our own hands and beer? Or we just making crap up as a compliance ritual in order to feel superior?

What a maroon.

[Everybody Wang Chung]

And it is pleasing unto me that [all kinds of meat] should not be [eaten], only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.



And since we’re talking about the WoW, we’re good to make wine by our own hands and beer? Or we just making crap up as a compliance ritual in order to feel superior?

What a maroon.

These MAD Magazine style caricatures are pure gold!

[Rivendale]

Remember drinking coffee can keep you out of heaven according to Julie Beck. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/st ... ang=eng

[Everybody Wang Chung]

Remember drinking coffee can keep you out of heaven according to Julie Beck. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/st ... ang=eng

LOL! This was subsequently debunked as a lie. Coffee wouldn't have kept her from getting a temple recommend back then.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyFkmvrd81U

[I Have Questions]

Incidentally, I was struck by the ethnic mix of the young women working behind the counter at Stan’s: Four African-Americans and two Asian-Americans, so far as I could see. Somehow, I can’t imagine that they’re representative of the historical or current demographics of Hanksville or Wayne County, and I wonder how they’ve found themselves there.

What an odd observation to make.

Given that the spirit of the Word of Wisdom is moderation, I don’t think the morbidly obese Peterson should be pontificating about nutritional consumption.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Incidentally, I was struck by the ethnic mix of the young women working behind the counter at Stan’s: Four African-Americans and two Asian-Americans, so far as I could see. Somehow, I can’t imagine that they’re representative of the historical or current demographics of Hanksville or Wayne County, and I wonder how they’ve found themselves there.

What an odd observation to make.

Given that the spirit of the Word of Wisdom is moderation, I don’t think the morbidly obese Peterson should be pontificating about nutritional consumption.

I know the WoW has been talked to death, so I don't want to get into it. BUT, one would think that of all the people on this planet bitching and moaning about people raking him for his dietary habits he wouldn't be so quick to mew about people and what they choose to ingest. Perhaps he's upset they don't put enough sugar and fat in it for his tastes, so he's insecure at those black coffee drinkers?

[drumdude]

Peterson noted he doesn’t believe Gentiles drinking coffee is a moral failing.

It seems like he’s arguing it’s a loyalty test to see if Mormons will follow Mormon God’s commands even if they’re arbitrary.

[Tom]

Someone whom I know very well, who grew up active in the Church, served a faithful mission, and married in the temple, has recently taken up coffee-drinking—and rather seriously so, seeking out brand and style recommendations from other, more experienced, coffee-drinkers. Since I never regarded the drinking of coffee as a deep sin or sign of depravity, why did I find this news so disheartening? After all, I had already known that this individual had lapsed into inactivity, and I had grieved over it. Why did the news that s/he is now a regular and serious coffee drinker depress me so?

I share the Afore’s horror at the revelation that a formerly observant Latter-day Saint has fallen so far into apostasy that he/she has recently lapsed into regular and serious coffee-drinking (!). But it’s even worse than horrific: this regular and serious coffee-drinker has fallen so far as to affirmatively seek out brand and style recommendations from other, more experienced, coffee-drinkers. Oh, the humanity! Absalom, Absalom! Where will it end?!

The historic Gifford farm, in Fruita, Utah — a nineteenth-century Latter-day Saint pioneer ghost town that is located inside Capitol Reef National Park. (National Park Service public domain photograph) How I admire the faithfulness, the difficult sacrifices, and the covenant-keeping fidelity of those who built up the Church and Kingdom of God in the nineteenth century!

I’m afraid that I don’t share the Afore’s admiration for those pioneer saints. You see, I have it on good authority that a decent number of those Fruita pioneers drank coffee and there were even a few who were regular and serious coffee-drinkers.

[Equality]

Someone whom I know very well, who grew up active in the Church, served a faithful mission, and married in the temple, has recently taken up coffee-drinking—and rather seriously so, seeking out brand and style recommendations from other, more experienced, coffee-drinkers. Since I never regarded the drinking of coffee as a deep sin or sign of depravity, why did I find this news so disheartening? After all, I had already known that this individual had lapsed into inactivity, and I had grieved over it. Why did the news that s/he is now a regular and serious coffee drinker depress me so?

I share the Afore’s horror at the revelation that a formerly observant Latter-day Saint has fallen so far into apostasy that he/she has recently lapsed into regular and serious coffee-drinking (!). But it’s even worse than horrific: this regular and serious coffee-drinker has fallen so far as to affirmatively seek out brand and style recommendations from other, more experienced, coffee-drinkers. Oh, the humanity! Absalom, Absalom! Where will it end?!

It's bemusing to see the endomorphic Afore more upset that this person he knew so "very well" wants to drink good coffee rather than, I don't know, Sanka or Folger's or something like that. It's like he thinks Mormon Jesus might let it slide if this guy drank crappy coffee, but since he wants the gourmet crap, he's that much closer to getting assigned to perdition for all eternity instead of the exceedingly glorious telestial kingdom.

I have the opposite view. In the highly unlikely event that Mormon Jesus is real and judges people based on the criteria set out by a bunch of octogenarian hedge-fund managers masquerading as prophets, I imagine Jesus would give style points to this unrepentant sinner. I mean, if you're going to sin, you might as well do it with the good stuff. Remember, Jesus didn't just turn water into wine--he turned it into the best wine. That shows Jesus is something of a connoisseur who appreciates quality craftsmanship.

I'd say the same applies to beer and wine and spirits. If you're going to partake, Jesus would much rather see you drink an award-winning craft-brew IPA than a Bud Light. Or a Latour over two-buck Chuck. A fine Pappy van Winkle rather than a bottle of Jack.