In the beginning, like most people, I was too afraid of him to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage, so I just took her away. (Married 43 years) I am incredibly fortunate that she would have ever been willing to marry me. Not asking her father for her hand is, perhaps, one of my biggest regrets in life, especially considering how much she means to me. I sometimes think and regret how the best part of me, (my wife) wasn't fully obtained in a way commensurate with her true value... (Ah regrets!!!)
This seems a bit sexist and outdated to me. I don't blame Tim for thinking this way, since he's an old timer. I even considered asking my wife's father, but even 10 years ago that seemed a bit wrong.
About 3 months ago, my daughter's boyfriend asked me for my 'blessing' so he could propose to her. I was super impressed by the gesture. After I thought about it for a while, considering that this is 2021, I was even more impressed by it.
I have effectively no dealings with my wife's father but I did inform her mother and her youngest siblings (who she was a guardian of) of my intentions before actually popping the question. I don't believe that there is anyone to ask permission of, no one has any claim to her right to marry besides her. That said open and honest communication goes a long way when blending families.
This of course all came well after her and I had already used the m-word multiple times and spent quite a bit of time discussing what our future would look like. Remember kids, if you're planning on asking someone to marry you they should only be surprised by the when/how, they shouldn't be surprised that you did it at all. My two cents, anyway.
He/Him
"A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play, his labour and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation." -L.P. Jacks
When I was a future bride, I had no meaningful relationship with my father. My husband-to-be did my mother the courtesy, respect, and honor, of asking her for her blessing to marry me. She absolutely deserved that.
When we were in that position as parents, we never expressed that this would be an expectation, and when it happened voluntarily we considered it a sign of respect and sincerity.
LIGHT HAS A NAME
We only get stronger when we are lifting something that is heavier than what we are used to. ~ KF
If our daughter were to choose to marry and her prospective SO came to us with her to let us know in person as a couple and not in a social media blast or text message I'd appreciate it. If she were younger than 30 when it happens I'd especially appreciate it since it would save me the trouble of tracking him/her/them down and helping them disappear because they failed the stupidity test first.
Anywho, I made a trip to visit my wife's father and let him know of my intention to propose and ask his blessing. I'm glad I did as it meant something to him, my MIL, and my wife. Know your future family before you decide to join it I guess.
You know I've been thinking about the OP question. I considered that if one were a somehwat older bride and well established, a woman might feel insulted by her man approaching her father.
I've tabled that idea, of course it's interpersonal relationship dependent, but I could also envision a much older father and/or mother appreciating that a man would ask their blessing because he'd be acknowledging that even though their daughter is independent and well established, that they likely devoted most of their adult life to her care and well being--hopefully a job well done. And, in their eyes, she is still their baby.
So there is that, too.
LIGHT HAS A NAME
We only get stronger when we are lifting something that is heavier than what we are used to. ~ KF
It would have gone very poorly for me if I had approached my future father-(and/or mother)-in-law beforehand. Though they are Swedish and it was kind of a scandal when Princess Victoria asked that her dad walk her down the aisle for her wedding.
I remember asking my father-in-law, but I also remember thinking it was just a formality inspired by respect. I wasn't afraid of his answer. I just wanted to communicate to him that I valued his blessing.
Religion is for people whose existential fear is greater than their common sense.
Did you ask her if this was something she wanted, bro?
Are you asking me?
If so, no, why would I ask her? I went straight to her dad and negotiated a dowry that was suitable for both of us. Once her dad threw in a few pigs and a couple dozen chickens, my soon-to-be-wife had no choice.
Religion is for people whose existential fear is greater than their common sense.
