Sailgirl posts from KA's "Liars" thread

Post by **_Who Knows** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 3:44 pm

liz3564 wrote:Sailgirl,

...I will also state publicly here that you are VERY talented, and VERY intelligent, and you have NOTHING to put yourself down about!

I agree. Your posts are typically some of the best, and most well thought-out on the board (and on KG's board a while ago as well).

Post by **_sailgirl7** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 3:45 pm

Wow,

Liz, KimberlyAnn, Blixa, Barrelomonkeys,Bond, Some Schmo, Ray, Who Knows, Renegade of Phunk,

Thank you all for your kind words and responses. I'm sorry I always derail threads like this- I just feel like I have so much inside me that wants to come out and be heard. I've been keeping things inside my whole life, because I learned young that my opinion was not important.

Maybe sometime I will write more of my story in the off-topic forum. Writing seems to be a very helpful excersise. I always feel better after.

I don't want to give up my hopes and dreams, I don't want to be a victim of myself. But I am often reminded of my shortcomings and that makes me feel lost.

I want to take the goodness from the church and be happy with that. But I cannot reconcile certain things and therefore I can't be the "molly" Mormon that my family wants me to be. So in that sense I always feel like a failure and a let down.

I know I can't give up my dreams of getting an education and helping others, just because I fail to make the grade as a Mormon. Thanks for your encouragement and kindness. You guys are all great!

//end of total thread derailment// :) Back to the regularly scheduled program........

Post by **_why me** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:01 pm

Bond...James Bond wrote:Sailgirl,

check out a thread I just started in the Celestial about thinking too much. I'm betting we have alot in common on that personality trait.

I think that many LDS have this 'problem of thinking too much. It comes from a life of inner reflection and awareness. When a person is taught that life is not about only the self in this life but the self in the next life, a person can develop an acute self awareness of one's own human condition and of those around them.

To be possessed with 'thinking too much' can be a two edged sword. On the one hand, the person has a keen sense of life but on the other hand, inner peace can be elusive.

The LDS can develop such an awarenss. For those who may think, that most LDS are superficial, I can only say that this is not particularly true.

Post by **_why me** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:05 pm

sailgirl,

I think that you need to see the comments of husband and relative as something positive. Perhaps your husband is concerned for your physical well-being and honestly believes that garments will protect you. This is a sign of love if true. And your relative views LDS baptism as a catholic would view a first holy communion at the age of seven. Both are important in the life of the child and in the life of the relatives. In this case, the baptism and in the other case, the holy communion. I would not think that it is something negative but a positive. Thanks for your post...but I would see your experiences as related by you in a much more positive slant. But of course, you know better since you were there. Thanks for your post....

_Yoda · Post by **_Yoda** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:21 pm

why me wrote:sailgirl,

I think that you need to see the comments of husband and relative as something positive. Perhaps your husband is concerned for your physical well-being and honestly believes that garments will protect you. This is a sign of love if true. And your relative views LDS baptism as a catholic would view a first holy communion at the age of seven. Both are important in the life of the child and in the life of the relatives. In this case, the baptism and in the other case, the holy communion. I would not think that it is something negative but a positive. Thanks for your post...but I would see your experiences as related by you in a much more positive slant. But of course, you know better since you were there. Thanks for your post....

Stop being the apologist for two seconds. She was pouring out her heart about how she felt inadequate and under appreciated.

Sailgirl---One thing I did forget to mention earlier....and this is coming from someone who has been married for 20 years:

(Harmony, jump in on this anytime)

Men are stupid when it comes to women. They need to be trained. You're young. You'll eventually get the hang of it.

One thing I do agree with in Why Me's post is that what your husband said could be construed as a positive statement, but not for the insipid reason of protection that he came up with.

You asked your husband the question:

"If there was one thing you could change about me, what would it be?"

His response was:

"I wish you would start wearing your garments again."

Considering all you do at home with taking care of kids while he's working two jobs, and the fact that from everything else you've told me, your relationship is basically a good one, here is the real translation of your husband's statement:

"You are a great wife and mother and I love you. I appreciate what you do at home, and there really isn't anything about you that I would want to change. The only thing I can think of is that wearing your garments again would make things easier for us to get along with from an LDS perspective with external family, etc."

Women are verbal. Men typically aren't...especially when approached face to face.

;)

Post by **_barrelomonkeys** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:34 pm

liz3564 wrote:Men are stupid when it comes to women. They need to be trained. You're young. You'll eventually get the hang of it.

One thing I do agree with in Why Me's post is that what your husband said could be construed as a positive statement, but not for the insipid reason of protection that he came up with.

You asked your husband the question:

"If there was one thing you could change about me, what would it be?"

His response was:

"I wish you would start wearing your garments again."

Considering all you do at home with taking care of kids while he's working two jobs, and the fact that from everything else you've told me, your relationship is basically a good one, here is the real translation of your husband's statement:

"You are a great wife and mother and I love you. I appreciate what you do at home, and there really isn't anything about you that I would want to change. The only thing I can think of is that wearing your garments again would make things easier for us to get along with from an LDS perspective with external family, etc."

Women are verbal. Men typically aren't...especially when approached face to face.

;)

sailgirl, Perhaps you should ask your husband what about you he absolutely loves and would never want changed.

Post by **_sailgirl7** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:40 pm

liz3564 wrote:
why me wrote:sailgirl,

I think that you need to see the comments of husband and relative as something positive. Perhaps your husband is concerned for your physical well-being and honestly believes that garments will protect you. This is a sign of love if true. And your relative views LDS baptism as a catholic would view a first holy communion at the age of seven. Both are important in the life of the child and in the life of the relatives. In this case, the baptism and in the other case, the holy communion. I would not think that it is something negative but a positive. Thanks for your post...but I would see your experiences as related by you in a much more positive slant. But of course, you know better since you were there. Thanks for your post....

Stop being the apologist for two seconds. She was pouring out her heart about how she felt inadequate and under appreciated.

Sailgirl---One thing I did forget to mention earlier....and this is coming from someone who has been married for 20 years:

(Harmony, jump in on this anytime)

Men are stupid when it comes to women. They need to be trained. You're young. You'll eventually get the hang of it.

One thing I do agree with in Why Me's post is that what your husband said could be construed as a positive statement, but not for the insipid reason of protection that he came up with.

You asked your husband the question:

"If there was one thing you could change about me, what would it be?"

His response was:

"I wish you would start wearing your garments again."

Considering all you do at home with taking care of kids while he's working two jobs, and the fact that from everything else you've told me, your relationship is basically a good one, here is the real translation of your husband's statement:

"You are a great wife and mother and I love you. I appreciate what you do at home, and there really isn't anything about you that I would want to change. The only thing I can think of is that wearing your garments again would make things easier for us to get along with from an LDS perspective with external family, etc."

Women are verbal. Men typically aren't...especially when approached face to face.

;)

That's a very positive way to look at it. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I want to believe that's what my husband meant. It's just confusing because when I did religiously wear my garments- he told me he wished I would take them off and wear lingerie more. He made fun of my "frumpy" clothes and always wanted me to dress sexier. But I was all about hiding in my garments. I guess this just brings up another sore issue I have- my body image is warped. I've struggled with that for many years. I am 5' 3" and weigh 122 pounds- but I honestly feel so huge.I might as well be a hippo. My husband tells me I need to be size 2 again( he mentions that about once a week)- but dang it- I've had 3 kids and it's hard to get there! I want to please my husband and be attractive- but at what cost to myself? So yes, I'm sure he meant well and I need to be more open-minded, it's just that within the context of everything it didn't seem like a compliment. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. The problem lies in me.

Post by **_Who Knows** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:44 pm

sailgirl7 wrote:My husband tells me I need to be size 2 again( he mentions that about once a week)- but dang it- I've had 3 kids and it's hard to get there! I want to please my husband and be attractive- but at what cost to myself?

RED FLAG! WARNING BELL!

That borders on emotional abuse. Wow. My wife would kick my ass if I ever hinted at such a thing.

_Yoda · Post by **_Yoda** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:50 pm

Who Knows wrote:
sailgirl7 wrote:My husband tells me I need to be size 2 again( he mentions that about once a week)- but dang it- I've had 3 kids and it's hard to get there! I want to please my husband and be attractive- but at what cost to myself?

RED FLAG! WARNING BELL!

That borders on emotional abuse.

I agree.

Wow. My wife would kick my ass if I ever hinted at such a thing.

And she would be wholly justified in doing so. ;)

(Of course, there would never be a need, WK, because you are way too cool and definitely "one of the good guys". You would never do that.)

Hearing this about sailgirl's husband makes me want to bitch-slap him.

Post by **_sailgirl7** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:57 pm

Who Knows wrote:
sailgirl7 wrote:My husband tells me I need to be size 2 again( he mentions that about once a week)- but dang it- I've had 3 kids and it's hard to get there! I want to please my husband and be attractive- but at what cost to myself?

RED FLAG! WARNING BELL!

That borders on emotional abuse. Wow. My wife would kick my ass if I ever hinted at such a thing.

I thought that all husbands said those type of things to their wives- either joking or serious. He does both, but like I said I am very sensitve about that and maybe I am too easily offended.