Roger Morrison wrote:It may seem "derailed" but it really isn't. You asked others of their experiences, and, "where...ended?" James is telling you/us, where he was, and why he is where he is. And in fact seems quite purposeful. Whether 'we' like, or agree with, what he says, is irrelevant.
You have received 6 pages of good in-put. Are you wiser, consoled, disappointed, reaffirmed, advancing, withdrawing from your expressed state of wonder; or what? What do You have to say now? Ready to take action? What kind? Warm regards, Roger
I was
not concerned about James or anyone else telling of his/her experience, and I certainly appreciate all who have, but if you look at the post I responded to, it specifically asked for evidence of the GA's being "traitors". I think you would have to agree that such a discussion would be more appropriate in another thread. I think you probably knew that and simply felt like arguing your point, for some reason. Regardless, James was succinct in his response and I appreciate that.
What do I have to say, now?
I have been affected by the experiences and the depth of feeling of many commenting, here, in this thread and in the others I have read on this board. I can identify with most, here, to some degree at least and it seems many can identify with me and my current experience. I taught SS again yesterday and was reminded of the impact that my concerns could have on others.
One person to whom I expressed my concern about the Book of Abraham, who is a very close personal friend, spent a week online reading everything and anything to do with the Book of Abraham (he did not know anything about it notwithstanding BIC, RM, BYU, etc.--those at MA&D who continue to claim that everyone knows about this stuff and those of us who didn't were just not paying attention are so far removed from reality, discussing the matter with them is useless). Now this friend is having a bit of a crisis of faith and, of course, I feel a bit guilty having confided my concern in him. On the other hand, part of me thinks that everyone should know about this issue, read all of the sources on it and determine for him/herself with full knowledge how it will or will not affect his/her faith.
So how is my testimony? Well, I guess I could explain it this way: If God was going to come down tonight and tell us if the Church is true, and I had to bet my house on it one way or another (ironic as such a bet would be), I probably would bet against the Church being the only true and living church on the face of the whole earth from an intellectual, fact and reason standpoint. It seems I am discounting the Spirit right now for fear that I have confused (to put it simply) the warm fuzzies with the Spirit of God.
The feeling I have called the "Spirit", candidly, I have felt in situations when I was unworthy, when the thing causing the feeling was unworthy (by far) of spritual confirmation (according to LDS tenets), and when all was right (I was worthy and the thing being taught was worthy according to LDS teachings). I do not recall feeling the Spirit when a principle was being taught to which I could not relate. E.g., someone could be giving a fantastic talk on geneology (if possible), and I would receive no spiritual confirmation of the principles, even though I was worthy and the topic was worthy of spiritual confirmation. Then someone would get up and speak about his experience as a YM president trying to help a struggling young man and I would feel warm all over and the room would almost seem to get brighter as I directly related to the experience. Then someone would talk about temple work and I would feel nothing. Then someone would talk about repentance and I would feel the "Spirit." Nothing ever changed. When I could relate to a principle, it would be confirmed--when I would relate to a good nostalgic rock song, it would be confirmed-when I would relate to a good underdog movie, it would be confirmed--when I could not relate from my own personal experience or when I did not enjoy a certain aspect of the gospel, the stating of truths regarding such aspects would not bring the "Spirit", for me, anyway.
How do I trust this experience in making huge life decisions? I simply ignored the conflict for a long time and made excuses. I cannot do that anymore. I need to find something more concrete. I have asked myself how it can be that someone who is cohabitating, smoking and drinking, etc. can have the missionaries knock on his door, read the Book of Mormon and hear the Joseph Smith story and pray about it and receive a witness sure enough to be baptized three weeks from the day the missionaries knocked on his/her door, and I am having such a struggle determining what a witness of the Spirit really is after decades of service in so many capacities in the Church?