Tori wrote:wenglund wrote:Who Knows wrote:wenglund wrote:I hear your dramatic appeal...
Same old wade. I ignored everything after those first 5 words. Sorry, try again if you'd like.
I appreciate the second chance--particularly since I believe you well worth it.
Perhaps if I use some of your own words, you may be less inclined to ignore what comes thereafter. So let me phrase it this way: Given the wonderful way you described your pending situation, what plans are you making to improve things for yourself and others over the next few weeks?
Thanks, -Wade Englund-
I'm kinda puzzled what you mean here, Wade. Just what would you propose he do?
I am not sure what is puzzling about my straightforward query. For one, I am not proposing anything for him. Rather, I am asking him what he plans to do for himself.
For another, were I in a similar situation as him (which, in a way, I was at a certain point in my life), there are a variety of of things that I may consider doing myself to improve the situation for myself and others--not the least of which was attemting to focus everyone's (particularly my own) positive attention on the child being baptised and the baptism itself (which is where I believe the focus should be anyway), rather than negatively on my not being able to perform the baptism. It is also amazing what a kindly, and genuine smile can do on such occasions. There are other things that I might consider doing myself (and had considered doing when in the similar situation), and other things that I have since thought to do, but hopefully this should suffice.
This is one of the things that is so irritating about the Church. The way a father is ostracized because he is deemed 'unworthy'.
I was married for 22 years to someone that was also 'unworthy'. He didn't bless, baptize, or confirm any of my children. I had family members or a Bishop do the deed and at that time I saw nothing wrong with that. I had no idea how it affected my husband and how he felt.
I remember when my daughter was born, it was shortly before my father died. We had the whole family together so we blessed her at the family dinner after the funeral. I asked my Bishop if we could do that and told him that my Brother-in-law would do the blessing and he was a 1st counselor in a BR so it should be OK. My other daughter was blessed at Church on Fast Sunday and my husband was able to stand in the circle and hold her as her father. I just assumed he would be able to do the same thing this time around. Somewhere in the 6 years between the two...the rules changed. He couldn't be any where near the circle. The counselor from my Bishpric had my husband stand outside the Circle, while the worthy relatives stood in it and gave my daughter a blessing.
I can't believe that I thought that was OK! I've talked with my ex-husband about this and he told me how humiliating it was for him. I feel terrible about that, now.
The thing is, I didn't see it then. I thought I was doing the right and proper thing because my kids just had to be blessed the Mormon way. Active LDS automatically think that the father just needs to get worthy. Ridiculous.
I agree that a father not being able to perform priesthood ordinance for his children, for whatever reason (including lack of worthiness--which was the case for me), should not result in ostricizing (whether real or perceived) by either party. Unfortunately, such things tend to occur where there is an inclination on the part of either or both sides to be judgemental, blaming, critical, and self-interested, rather than loving, uplifting, understanding, and "other" focused. If both parties would do the later, I think the chances are greatly increased that conditions would be improved for all parites concerned--I know it worked for me.
But, that may be just the way I see it.
Thanks, -Wade Englund-