Gazelam wrote:
Rather than scan over the website here looking for quotable quotes, I thought I would ask those of you who might call themselves apostate why it is you left the church, and if you feel any bitterness towards it now that you have left.
It all felt fake, for a start. A fake me, a fake (church) marriage, fake friends (people you'd not normally choose as friends), fake home teaching (we really must do this), fake liking of certain things "because you're supposed to like them", just too many fakes.
The reading of "alternative history" (
Sunstone,
Dialogue,
Journal of Mormon History, and even to some extent
BYU Studies,
et.al) made me realise I really belonged to another community - the doubting and questioning one. One day while in Church, I think about 1983, I thought to myself, this isn't progress, I'm stagnating in mind and spirit, and just following the leader. From those initial thoughts would begin what has now been nearly 26 years of doing my own studying and thinking. It has been very liberating.
I feel no bitterness towards the Church, but it's a lifestyle I could never again "put on". For me, it's just too fake. And that's the only way I can inadequately describe it.