Hi Gazelam,
I am so sorry to hear of your family problems.
"Gazelam"
My sister is evil. She has constantly sought since childhood to surround herself with misery and drama, this despite in every case someone being there to tell her not to do this or that.
Do you really believe this? When I see people who are harming themselves and others from their bad choices, I try to remember that they were once a beautiful innocent and helpless newborn baby. Your sister is a child of God. How could she be born evil?
slept with strangers for their drugs (i believe the term is allowing oneself to be "doubleteamed"). The list goes on.
Your sister is trapped by her drug addiction and it's not really her doing these things. They become a different person and the drugs ensnare them. That sweet spirit she was born with is in there still. Hate the drugs, the addiction, her bad behavior, but don't hate your sister. I am currently going through a similar situation with a few family members addicted to drugs. They can be so hateful, bitter, paranoid, verbally abusive, and dangerous to themselves and society. There have even been subtle threats that one person wants to harm me and I fear for my family safety. But I love this person and know the drug has partially made him this way. He also became hateful and bitter because he was unable to forgive people from the past. This is why he turned to drugs in coping with the pain and his own personal misery of not truly forgiving those who harmed him. But I have hope that this person will find healing through Jesus Christ's atonement and know God loves him.
I know at some point God will require me to forgive her, but at this point I savor the thought of her rotting in hell for all eternity.
When your sister repents, she will suffer greatly for the harm she has caused others, but Christ paid the debt for her sins too. If she chooses to meet the conditions of Christ's atonement by repenting and forgiving all those who have caused her pain, she will be in heaven. You are the one who will be in a "hell" for hating her and desiring for a child of God to not return home. Without charity, you will not be allowed in the Kingdom of God.
You are not sinless and should never believe you are better than her. When you forgive, your truly love the way Christ loves us. Be grateful that you were not born with the mortal challenges she was. Be grateful that you did not inherit the same personality weaknesses as your Grandma. Have you ever considered that God allows this suffering to teach you the principle of charity?
Why would you ever desire for her to rot in hell? She's already in hell. "wickedness never was happiness." It just baffles me how anyone could think that a person living that kind of life deserves to suffer for eternity. As if living the gospel is misery and you deserve a great reward for all your hard work because those wicked people did nothing but pleasure themselves. Anyone who has lived that kind of life that your sister has and repented will tell you it was hell. Happiness is found in living the principles of Christ.
I think you are just venting some anger and hope this isn't seriously how you feel. Until she hits bottom from the drug addiction, nothing will change. I have a few relatives that abused children, ended up in prison, etc. from drugs. (prison was actually the best thing for them to get clean) All of them suffered with depression and have a family history of mental disease. Most criminals do.
Once they were clean, they said how much it meant to know they were loved and supported, even though they had rejected it during their struggle. You must love her so she knows there is hope.
I can only weep for her poor children who have had to live through all of this. They all hate her and can't wait to get away from her, and cry when they have to leave my parents to go back to her house. She lives in Illinois.
That's heart wrenching.
You need to do everything in your power to protect these kids.
I had a 12 year old relative try to hang himself not to long ago. Both his parents are drug addicts and have severely neglected these beautiful kids. The 3 kids ages 6 to 12 took care of these 2 heroin and crack addicts and became the parents. They did everything to keep their family together. Thankfully the kind grandparents of the husband are taking care of them all now. Both these parents grew up in the LDS "Cleaver Home" from all appearances but there are always dirty secrets in every family history. We learned that this girl had been molested by her own father (all her sisters were) when she was young. Her husband became hooked on drugs because he has an obsessive/addictive personality, was rebellious and experimented in high school.
You can't say for certain that there isn't something from her childhood that caused your sister to cope with her pain by using drugs or sex and the miserable path she chose. Not saying it was from your parents, but something that she either can't forgive herself for or something that damaged her in the early years.
My sister is innactive because she is the spawn of Satan.
I can see how hard it is for you to understand why your sister has fallen into a miserable lifestyle when you believe that you both had the same loving parents and ideal upbringing. But you have to keep in mind that your experiences can't possibly be the same. Each of us are born with different personality traits and weaknesses. Just the order that we are born into in the family drastically changes what a child experiences. My parents would be unrecognizable from the way they parented the oldest child (me) compared to the youngest sibling.
It is very common for certain personalities to not cope well with the fear and guilt instilled into us about sin from our LDS upbringing. Was she the type to dwell and worry over things? It is also very common in devout LDS homes for kids to feel a lot of pressure to be perfect and beat themselves up when they fail. Just wondering if maybe she has trouble forgiving herself for mistakes and has lost all hope in salvation.
I have a relative who is a twin. He had an abusive childhood (both parents were very active Mormons who had strong testimonies of the restored gospel) but some of the siblings were totally unaffected by it. His own twin sister had an entirely different experience and can't understand why her brother remembers things so horribly. Three of the six kids lived very normal happy lives, one even served as a Bishop and by all appearances seem emotionally healthy.
The other three boys were screwed up their entire life. One suffered from depression, drug addiction, never could hold a job or get along with co workers, and even suicidal thoughts, the other ended up in Prison for molesting a young girl and has the mind of a ten year old (this boy and the other were raped by a relative), and the last one suffered most of his life with bitterness & depression, suicidal threats over his childhood of neglect, poverty, and abuse. He is now addicted to Rx drugs and has disowned half his children.
You can't tell me that those three boys were born evil. Each of those kids had different experiences. The two girls were not abused as much as the boys but they also had personalities that kept them from being as harmed by it. They were able to brush off things very easily and forget most of their bad experiences. (with the exception of one girl being severely obese and using food to self medicate)
But if you sat this whole family down to hear of their childhood, half of them would give a different account of their home environment and give contrasting stories. Some would even say they had a loving happy home. Much of that is how they perceived it and how their personality differences helped them cope with it.
Our personality traits STRONGLY influence how we react to experiences.
I highly recommend these two books for better understanding of what motivates us to make the choices we do and we react so differently to the same experiences. It might help you to have more empathy for your sister.
This one is written by a Mormon & it changed my life:
The Color CodeThis one is great for raising kids. If our love tank is not filled the right way, it can have very negative consequences. It is so important for parents to tailor their parenting to the child's personality needs.
Five Love Languages for ChildrenI know what you are going through. It's a very helpless feeling when the person does not want to change and does not believe they are doing anything wrong. All you can do is love them and hope they hit bottom & repent. Protecting those kids is the most important thing right now.
