Palin Decides Not to Run: ‘I Want to Go Straight to the Quitting Part’ Decision Leaves Moron Vote Up for Grabs
ANCHORAGE (The Borowitz Report) – Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin told reporters today that she would not run for President because “I want to go straight to the quitting part.”
“If I launched a campaign, let’s face it, a couple of months from now I’d up and quit,” she said. “This is a real step-saver for all concerned.”
She said that prior to her decision she had seriously considered running, “but only for the free clothes.”
When asked about her future plans, she said, “Although I’m not running for President, I have no intention of spending more time with my family.”
The former Alaska Governor, who had originally scheduled a thirty-minute press conference to announce her decision, abruptly cut it short after fifteen minutes with no explanation.
The Tea Party favorite’s announcement leaves the remaining Republican candidates scrambling for the moron vote, a key constituency in the 2012 GOP race.
Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney was said to be considering new strategies to dispel the nagging impression that he is mentally competent, an attribute that has alienated millions of Tea Party voters.
Mr. Romney was rumored to be weighing a number of options, such as barking like a dog or wearing a bunch of bananas on his head at the next televised debate.
Apparently, this Nomomo will now be out new resident Michael Moore, now that the past designee of that dubious distinction, "Red" Kevin Graham, has been absent long enough for Nomomo to make a play for the throne.
The crisis continues...
Nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father [in Heaven] and how familiar his face is to us
- President Ezra Taft Benson
I am so old that I can remember when most of the people promoting race hate were white.
Palin Decides Not to Run: ‘I Want to Go Straight to the Quitting Part’ Decision Leaves Moron Vote Up for Grabs
ANCHORAGE (The Borowitz Report) – Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin told reporters today that she would not run for President because “I want to go straight to the quitting part.”
“If I launched a campaign, let’s face it, a couple of months from now I’d up and quit,” she said. “This is a real step-saver for all concerned.”
She said that prior to her decision she had seriously considered running, “but only for the free clothes.”
When asked about her future plans, she said, “Although I’m not running for President, I have no intention of spending more time with my family.”
The former Alaska Governor, who had originally scheduled a thirty-minute press conference to announce her decision, abruptly cut it short after fifteen minutes with no explanation.
The Tea Party favorite’s announcement leaves the remaining Republican candidates scrambling for the moron vote, a key constituency in the 2012 GOP race.
Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney was said to be considering new strategies to dispel the nagging impression that he is mentally competent, an attribute that has alienated millions of Tea Party voters.
Mr. Romney was rumored to be weighing a number of options, such as barking like a dog or wearing a bunch of bananas on his head at the next televised debate.
Hehehe... awesome.
I'm sure that Rick Perry and Michelle Bachmann will fight furiously and valiantly over the moron vote with Palin out of the picture.
God belief is for people who don't want to live life on the universe's terms.
Droopy wrote:Apparently, this Nomomo will now be out new resident Michael Moore, now that the past designee of that dubious distinction, "Red" Kevin Graham, has been absent long enough for Nomomo to make a play for the throne.
Nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father [in Heaven] and how familiar his face is to us
- President Ezra Taft Benson
I am so old that I can remember when most of the people promoting race hate were white.
