Tobin wrote:Ah, I would have fun as a Bishop and I'd look forward to questions like these. I'd have a stack of Cosmo's Karma Sutra and hand them out like candy.
I know you're joking, but I think that would be very inappropriate, too.
I think that if a bishop or SP is asked, they should just say: that's up to the two of you to determine. If not asked, they should never insert themselves into that issue, except perhaps to note that scientific study and the consensus of anecdotal evidence both agree that a healthy and active sexual relationship is one of the most important elements of happy and successful marriages.
I also have always thought that one of the unanticipated effects of the infamous oral sex letter is that it compelled bishops and SPs to become voyeuristic inquisitors. Given the very nature of how "Priesthood Leaders" are regarded in the Mormon culture, it's easy to imagine how abuses could occur.
From what I've gathered from people who were around during that period, it seems like these were the most common reactions:
1. Those who already were inclined towards the idea that oral sex was "unholy" or "impure" naturally agreed with the interpretation of those terms in the letter.
2. Those whose marital sex lives were virtually non-existent and couldn't care less about such things.
3. Those to whom the information was conveyed, who were disturbed by the news, but then just kept on doing whatever it was they already did.
4. Those to whom the information was conveyed, and it was received by one partner, but not the other. It then served as a wedge in their marriages, and a good number of divorces resulted.
5. Those to whom the information was conveyed, but it was rejected as "inspired" by both partners, and they just went on their merry (and married) way.
I'm not sure which reaction I've heard the most. Somewhat surprisingly, it might be number 5, although I have heard of, either first or second or third hand, of a sad number of cases where "the letter" was singled out as a significant factor in the breakup of the marriage.