Stormy Waters wrote:I worry about the influence this blog post will have on people. Generally I think this lifestyle is a bad idea even if some can make it work.
That was my fear and others feel the same way going by this comment.
I share my concerns not at all because I disagree with your decision to share. All night I tossed and turned seeing that it possible that leaders and parents in the church will use this as a tool to try to pressure or assure our gay youth that they should make your choice. Our church and many others whos doctrine labels acting out on their attractions as sinful are literally littered with an aftermath of pain and heartbreak of the broken homes and deep disappointments of those who tried to follow what they thought was the wise counsel of their leaders. You were fortunate, it sounds like, to fall in love with a woman at a very young age and you have been able to function as a heterosexual husband but many cannot physically do that but sadly find out too late. Please tell me you are not advocating your choice as the best option for gay youth in general. The church used to almost universally advocate and encourage your choice but has stopped because it has been an overall failure. I personably know about 10 people who have given it their heartfelt and spiritual all to do what you are doing And for reasons way more complex I don't know one good outcome. None of them are happy like you. Over half divorce and everyone pays the price. The rest have stayed married and live as shell of themselves and their spouses hearts break and endure as they have been taught and counseled to do.
I thought it was a powerful story, but in the end it is one valid story among many other valid stories. One thing that wasn't clearly articulated in the post is that human sexual orientation doesn't neatly partition into two neat little boxes; homosexual and heterosexual. It is a wide spectrum, hence the very appropriate use of the rainbow as a symbol. The reason that there is this spectrum is that, like human height, sexual orientation is
not controlled by a couple of genes. It is controlled by
many. Those of us who are fully heterosexual have high proportions of the heterosexual version (allele) of these genes. Those lying at the other end of the rainbow have mostly the homosexual alleles. And there are those in the middle who have different proportions of both.
There are men (or women) sitting at the homosexual end of the spectrum for whom the thought of having sexual intercourse with a woman (or man) is repulsive. This is how most full heterosexuals feel about the thought of having intercourse with someone of their own sex. There is no way that the guy writing the post is at the fully homosexual end of the spectrum.
There is a very real danger that LDS leaders will point to this couple and say "see it is possible". Yes, there will be a small percentage who are LUCKY and things could work out, but a very large percentage of people who choose this route will end up in miserable marriages that will almost certainly end in tears, through no fault of their own. They will be fighting against their own biology. I think another factor in this couple's favour is that they are clearly both very intelligent, educated and highly articulate people and they came from very understanding families. They are to a large extent an exception, not the rule.